You might feel shocked and upset when you find out you have mouth or oropharyngeal cancer. These feelings are a natural response. People often feel confused or frightened or uncertain. Or you may feel totally different. Sometimes it is hard to take in the fact that you have cancer at all.
You may have changes in your appearance after surgery. This can have an effect on your self esteem. These feelings are common.
It might be helpful to remember that the people closest to you won't think of you differently than before. They will want to support you as much as they can. Let them know how you feel. Sharing your feelings can make you feel less isolated and more able to cope with things.
All sorts of feelings are likely to come and go. But everyone reacts in their own way.
You may be more able to cope and make decisions if you have information about your type of cancer and its treatment. Information helps you to know what to expect.
Taking in information can be difficult, especially when you have just been diagnosed. Make a list of questions before you see your doctor. Ask if you can take someone with you. Having someone can help to remind you what you want to ask and help remember the answers.
Ask your doctors and nurses to explain things again if you need them to.
Remember that you don’t have to sort everything out at once. It might take some time to deal with each issue. Ask for help if you need it.
Talking to other people
Talking to your friends and relatives about your cancer can help and support you. But some people are scared of the emotions this could bring up and won’t want to talk. They might worry that you won't be able to cope with your situation.
It can strain relationships if your family or friends don't want to talk. But talking can help increase trust and support between you and them.
Help your family and friends by letting them know if you would like to talk about what’s happening and how you feel.
You might find it easier to talk to someone outside your own friends and family. We have cancer information nurses you can call on freephone 0808 800 4040, from 9am to 5pm, Monday to Friday.
Or you may prefer to see a counsellor.
Who can help?
Your hospital nurse or doctor can help you if you’re finding it difficult to cope. Do let them know how you are feeling. They can refer to other specialists and give you information about support groups.
The NHS website also has a service that tells you about local cancer information and support services.
Support organisations such as The Mouth Cancer Foundation support people affected by head and neck cancer. Its website has information about mouth, throat, and other head and neck cancers.
Relationships and sex
The physical and emotional changes you have might affect your relationships and sex life. There are things that you can do to manage this.
Practical things you and your family might need to cope with include:
- money matters
- financial support, such as benefits, sick pay and grants
- work issues
Talk to your doctor or specialist nurse to find out who can help. Getting help early with these things can mean that they don’t become a big issue later.
Mouth and oropharyngeal cancer and the treatment can cause physical changes in your body. These changes can be difficult to cope with and may affect the way you feel about yourself. It might affect your self esteem, and the way you relate to other people.
Head and neck cancer and its treatment can cause changes in:
You might be feeling very tired and lethargic a lot of the time, especially during and for a while after the treatment or if your cancer is advanced.
Stopping smoking after mouth and oropharyngeal cancer can reduce your risk of your cancer coming back. This can be extremely difficult especially if you have smoked for many years.
Free services and treatments are available to help.