Mental health and cancer
‘I developed anxiety but had to be strong because I am the carer. There was support for the person I was caring for, but not for me as the carer. I had to be brave, strong and show no emotion – I had to keep it in. I didn’t speak to people about it and cancelled many of my social events. I experienced loneliness and isolation.’
For many people caring provides a sense of meaning and emotional fulfilment, but it can also be difficult. Caring for someone with complex needs or your caring becoming a full-time job can affect your mental health. You might also find it difficult to balance your mental health needs and the needs of the person you are caring for. And it can be challenging to share your difficulties with others because you want to protect the person you’re caring for.
Caring for someone with cancer can affect people in different ways, but some of the common experiences can be:
shock
denial
anger
stress
insomnia
anxiety
panic
depression
isolation
loneliness
guilt
grieving the life of someone before they die (anticipatory grief)
fear about your own future, losing your loved one or their survival
feeling vulnerable, helpless or overwhelmed
feeling you’re not doing a good enough job caring (feeling inadequate) or emotionally tired
having unwanted thoughts and worries that pop into your head without warning at any time (intrusive thoughts)
having repetitive negative thoughts that go around in a loop (rumination)
having sleeping problems, including nightmares
Sometimes, feelings and experiences of caring for someone with cancer can develop into mental health problems. Some of the mental health problems can include:
anxiety
an episode of depression
The mental health charity Mind has more information on these mental health problems. This includes treatment and self-care information.
You might struggle with your mental health at any stage while looking after someone with cancer. It might happen after their diagnosis, during treatment or once they have finished treatment.
How you might feel often depends on:
what is going on for the person with cancer
their diagnosis and the uncertainty around that
how much they share or do not share with you about their experience
changes in the household dynamics and family roles
how much support you have
how much you need to care for them
what else is going on in your life
Read more about carers support organisations
‘I had depression before and felt I was going backwards again. I held up a brave face but was suffering inside.’
Looking after someone with cancer can affect you differently if you have an existing mental health problem. Some people might feel their mental health worsens after a loved one’s cancer diagnosis. Others might feel it doesn’t change much. Your feelings can change at any time during or after treatment, and that is OK.
It is important to let the people treating you know about your loved one’s cancer diagnosis and how it might be affecting you. This includes your mental health team, therapist, or GP prescribing your medication. They can then discuss:
what kind of support you might need during this time
any changes that are needed to your treatment
if no changes are needed, they can help you identify the signs that might suggest you need further support
If you are taking medication for your mental health problem, you should not stop taking it suddenly. It can be helpful to arrange an appointment to review your mental health medication. This will ensure that you cope with your current challenges.
Read more about where to get support for mental health
‘Friends and neighbours first noticed my poor state of mental health and it is thanks to their insistence and ‘nudge’ that I opened up, got my ‘moment’ to speak up and seek out advice.’
If you recognise some of the above feelings and experiences, seek support. Support is available, but we know that it is not easy for everyone with a mental health problem to get the treatment and help they need.
You should speak to your GP first, but you may be able to get some mental health support through cancer services. Many cancer charities have helplines that offer informal emotional support for patients, families and carers. They can also signpost you to support groups or other services in your area.
Some cancer hospitals are linked with Macmillan Information Services or Maggie’s Centres. They are available throughout the UK. These services can be a place to start when seeking mental health support when you’re a carer. Some offer informal emotional support. They can also signpost you to other services for carers. You can contact them by phone or email or visit in person.
Find a Macmillan Information and Support service
You can also speak to others in the cancer community by using Cancer Chat, Cancer Research UK's online forum for people affected by cancer. You can learn from them how they managed to find support.
‘The ladies from the community who visited my mum never spoke about her cancer. I found that difficult. Not to talk about it is denying it.’
Many factors can affect your mental health. You might not be able to control or resolve all of them, but it can help to identify them so you know they might affect you.
Family members or carers say the following factors have affected their mental health:
masking their true feelings to protect the person with cancer
not feeling understood by others around them
lack of professional support for them as a family member or carer
feeling pressured to be positive for the person with cancer and others around them
denial from others around them
denial of their cancer diagnosis by the person with cancer
minimising their own needs because of the burden of care
withdrawing from others because they don’t want to talk about their loved one’s cancer or because they feel they can’t give the right support
'I felt like our family’s needs were unmet [on a] day to day basis, [I was] failing at times to provide the kind of support expected or necessary to keep things running in our household. This was… not enough … never enough whatever the effort, it lowered my self-esteem, my energy levels and led me to [have] depression issues.’
Understandably, you might find it hard to keep up with the care of a loved one when struggling with your mental health. For some people, it is only when someone tells them they seem to be struggling that they recognise it.
People often don’t want to reach out for help because they don’t want to:
shift the focus onto them instead of the person with cancer
appear vulnerable because they know the person with cancer relies on them
add further commitments to their already very busy schedule
If you can, discuss your struggles with the person you are caring for. You might also consider speaking to someone close to you or a professional like your GP. Specialist support for carers and mental health is available if you need it.
Mind has more information on carers and mental health.
Remember that children or young people in the family can also struggle with their mental health if a loved one or guardian has cancer. They might find it hard to deal with feelings such as anxiety, anger and frustration. These feelings can change their relationship with the person with cancer.
Read more about talking to children when an adult has cancer
‘I am closer to my family than I ever was - even just through a telephone conversation or WhatsApp messages. As a family we are tighter and more supportive.’
You might not yet be in a position to think positively about the cancer diagnosis and treatment of the person you’re caring for. But it may help to know that it can be possible further along the way.
Family members or carers of someone with cancer said the person’s diagnosis changed them in the following ways:
helped them to live in the moment
caused them to form stronger family bonds
motivated them to give back to the cancer community and, in doing so, helped them to feel less lonely and increased their self-worth
helped them to prioritise their life goals
helped them to find their own strength and resilience
Below are some suggestions to help you look after your mental health. Not all of them might be useful to your situation. It can be helpful to try and look after your mental health in more than one way. So, try several things and see what works for you.
‘I got more involved in fundraising. Being with people with a similar experience made me feel less lonely and more valuable.’
With special thanks to Mind for their expert knowledge during the development of this information.
We have more information on how to support someone with cancer, including a video on how to talk to someone with cancer.
Read more about how to support someone with cancer
Maudsley Learning, part of the South London and Maudsley NHS Foundation Trust, has a set of cancer and mental wellbeing videos for people affected by cancer.
The videos have information and advice on what to do if a cancer diagnosis affects your mental health. They cover several topics, including breaking bad news, managing anxiety, common reactions to a diagnosis, and relationships.
Visit Maudsley Learning on YouTube
Being creative is a good way to support your mental wellbeing while dealing with cancer. It can help you to express difficult emotions and distract you from anxiety and distress.
Hospital Rooms is a charity that brings art and creative programmes to mental health hospitals in the UK. They have an online (digital) art school that offers a free arts programme. Artists lead monthly workshops and help you use creativity to improve your mental wellbeing. The workshops are available to watch live or on-demand. You don’t need any experience to do it.
Visit the Hospital Rooms Digital Art School website
Receiving the news that the person you’re caring for has advanced cancer and that they may die soon can be very difficult.
We have more information on dying with cancer and what can help you to cope.
Last reviewed: 01 Nov 2022
Next review due: 01 Nov 2025
An information and support service is often a good place to start when you’re newly diagnosed and struggling with your mental health. But it will also depend on what support you need.
Several organisations can offer support and advice when you're a carer for someone with cancer.
When you are supporting someone with cancer, it can be hard to know what to say. Listening is just as important as talking.
Cancer support organisations can offer support when you have cancer or when you're caring for someone with cancer. Some have general cancer information, while others have advice for specific cancer types.
Cancer is a difficult topic to talk about. You might have doubts or concerns which stop you talking to your kids about a cancer diagnosis. It is not easy to decide what or when to tell them.
There are several organisations that provide counselling, as well as registration for counsellors and psychotherapists.
About Cancer generously supported by Dangoor Education since 2010. Learn more about Dangoor Education
Search our clinical trials database for all cancer trials and studies recruiting in the UK.
Meet and chat to other cancer people affected by cancer.
Questions about cancer? Call freephone 0808 800 40 40 from 9 to 5 - Monday to Friday. Alternatively, you can email us.
