Counselling and cancer
The type of counselling you choose will depend on:
where you feel most comfortable
how serious the issues are that you want to discuss
how long you have been having the problems
the type of issues you have, such as general worries about not coping, relationship problems or phobias
Tell your counsellor if you feel uncomfortable. For example, if they ask you questions that you don’t want to answer. Therapy can be challenging at times because of the issues talked about. It is important to find the right balance. Let your counsellor know if this balance feels off.
If you don’t feel that you’re getting on very well with your counsellor, you can always try someone else.
Personality clashes do happen. So don’t feel bad. It doesn’t mean that counselling won’t help you or that the counsellor is bad at their job. A good counsellor will understand that you may find it more helpful to see someone else. Talking about these issues with your counsellor can improve the relationship between you and the counsellor.
One to one supportive counselling means that you can talk about your problems and worries in confidence.
You talk to a counsellor who is trained to listen and help you explore your thoughts and feelings. You may have practical issues and want some help to sort them out.
The counsellor may not use a particular method here. They won't tell you what to do, but they will listen to you carefully and help you think about the best solutions for you. For counselling to work well, it is important that you have a trusting and safe relationship with your counsellor. This may take time to build and may need to be talked about.
The word cognitive describes our thoughts and thinking processes.
When something stressful happens to us, we respond with our:
thoughts
emotions
behaviours
physical sensations
CBT helps you see how these different aspects interact with each other. This can sometimes create a ‘vicious cycle’ that is hard to break.
CBT can help you change these by responding differently. And to think and act differently with new skills. You practice new skills during and in between sessions. With your therapist, you can work towards the goals that you have set.
CBT is often used to help people overcome:
difficulties in dealing with emotions such as anger, sadness, fear and guilt
feeling very stressed
addictions
depression
panic attacks and phobias
anxiety
insomnia and other sleep problems
low self esteem
There is also group counselling, sometimes called group therapy. This means joining a group where everyone discusses their problems together.
Usually, everyone in the group is facing similar problems, but not always.
The counsellor will facilitate the group and encourage people to express their feelings within it. Some people find it very helpful to learn that they are not alone with their worries.
This method doesn’t suit everyone, especially if you have some very personal and painful issues you want to discuss. At the same time, allowing yourself to share this with others, might bring a significant change and benefit you.
Because cancer often affects the whole family, it can sometimes help if you all see a counsellor together. Family members may be too worried to express how they feel about your illness.
You may not feel well enough or have the time to sit and talk openly and honestly with your partner and children. Talking to children about cancer can be very difficult and upsetting.
Seeing a counsellor together allows you all a set time to listen to each other’s worries. It can really help everyone in the family better understand what is happening. The counsellor could help facilitate these discussions in a sensitive, gentle and safe manner.
It can also bring you closer together and encourage you to support each other.
Children may keep many of their feelings to themselves for fear of upsetting you. They’re likely to be trying to:
deal with your illness
keep up with schoolwork
look after younger siblings
to feel supported and accepted by friends
We have more information about talking to children when an adult has cancer.
Last reviewed: 01 Apr 2026
Next review due: 01 Apr 2029
Counselling can help you sort out many different types of problems that you may face when you have cancer.
Counselling can help you come to terms with your cancer. Understanding what it is and how it can help, can help you decide if it is right for you.
There are many resources and organisations available that can support you and your children.
Cancer is a difficult topic to talk about. You might have doubts or concerns which stop you talking to your kids about a cancer diagnosis. It is not easy to decide what or when to tell them.
Whether you are someone with cancer or a carer for someone with cancer, we want you to know that it is common to struggle with your mental health when dealing with a cancer diagnosis. But there are people who can support you during this time and things you can do to help yourself.
About Cancer generously supported by Dangoor Education since 2010. Learn more about Dangoor Education
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Questions about cancer? Call freephone 0808 800 40 40 from 9 to 5 - Monday to Friday. Alternatively, you can email us.
