Shock and denial

Shock

Shock is often the first reaction when you are told you have cancer. You might:

• feel numb

• not believe what is happening or find it is not real

• be unable to express any emotion

• find that you can only take in small amounts of information

• need to have the same information repeated to you

• feel as if it is happening to someone else

It might be difficult to process the information you are given due to the shock you may be experiencing. Needing to have information repeated is a common reaction to shock. Having someone with you or asking to record the information so you can review it later can be helpful.

Your shock may be so strong that you find it difficult to talk about your illness with your family and friends. Or you may find that you need to talk about it over and over again to help the news sink in.

Denial

You might cope with the news of your cancer diagnosis by pretending it’s not happening. This may not be a conscious decision, but a gut reaction.

You might feel that you can’t or don't want to think about it.

This is a completely natural reaction. We all sometimes use denial in our day-to-day lives to help us process and cope with information.

You can tell the people around you quite firmly that, for the time being, you don't want to talk about your illness if you feel this way.

Unhelpful denial

In some cases, denial can be unhelpful. Some people deny their cancer or aspects of it so firmly that they convince themselves that either they aren’t ill at all, or that their illness isn’t cancer.

You may need professional help from a psychologist or counsellor if this reaction starts to get in the way of how you think about your treatment or makes your life even more challenging.

Other people being in denial

Sometimes you may find denial happens the other way round. You might need to talk about your cancer, but your family and friends may be the ones in denial. They might:

• try to dismiss the fact that you are ill

• seem to ignore information about your cancer

• play down your anxieties and symptoms

• deliberately change the subject

• tell you to be 'positive' instead of listening to you

People can react in this way because they are frightened of cancer themselves or have had difficult experiences with it in the past. They may be embarrassed by talking about it. Or they may be terrified that someone they love has a life threatening condition. If they don't talk about it, they can try to pretend it isn't happening. They also might not want to talk about it because of fear of upsetting you.

But if you want their support and to share how you feel with them, this behaviour may hurt or upset you. If you feel like this, try to:

• tell them how you feel

• reassure them that you know what is happening

• explain that talking to them about your illness will help you

• suggest to them how and when is best to talk to you about this

Talking about your cancer

Talking about your situation really can help.

It might help you to talk to a counsellor or psychologist if you would like to share your feelings privately and don’t feel able to talk to your friends and family.

Remember, counsellors and psychologists are there to support you in your situation.

Read more about what counselling is

More information