Sex and relationships after treatment for salivary gland cancer

Treatment for salivary gland cancer can change the way you feel about sex.

Changes to your appearance may make you feel less confident about sex. It might change the way you feel about yourself and how you think others see you.

Talking things through with your partner might help you both adjust to a new situation together. 

How you might feel

Cancer can cause many different emotions such as fear and anger. These emotions might affect how you feel about sex. Your partner might also feel very strong emotions. 

It is very common to have difficulty with intimacy and sex after cancer treatment. You can consider:

• talking things through with your partner 
• talking to your doctor or specialist nurse
• getting your GP to refer you to a counsellor 

Your doctor or nurse might be able to provide some advice or they can suggest where you can find support.  

Kissing

Some people's partners worry that they can catch cancer from others by kissing. But cancer can't be caught from somebody else. So you can reassure them. 

It is safe for you and your partner to kiss and have any type of physical contact that you feel comfortable with. 

Talking about your feelings

Try talking to your partner about your feelings. It’s hard for them to understand unless you explain how you feel.

You will both gradually get used to your new situation if you are able to talk to your partner about your worries. A caring and loving partner will want to be supportive.

A few people have difficulty in speaking after surgery for some types of salivary gland cancer. This can affect your lovemaking. These difficulties are usually temporary and most people are able to talk within a few weeks after treatment.

Speech or communication difficulties might affect how you feel about sex. It might feel like more effort than before. It may change some of the spontaneous moments you and your partner are used to. Eye contact and touch can be alternative ways to show feelings if speech is difficult. 

If you feel nervous about starting your sex life again, try not to worry. You might need more time to come to terms with all that has happened to you. If you are still worried, anxious or depressed, you are not likely to feel like having sex. Give yourself time. And talk things over with your partner. Together you should be able to work out what is best for you both.

Support and information

You may find it helps to talk to your nurse or doctor about difficulties with your sex life after treatment. They can refer you for specialist help if needed.