Welcome to Cancer Chat TedMax although I'm sorry about your diagnosis and the reason it brings you here.

I'm sure other members who have been in this situation with their nearest and dearest will post soon to offer their advice and share their experiences with you but in the meantime I have found some information here and a list of organisations here that may be of use to you at this time, in particular cruse bereavement care.

Best wishes to you both, 

Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

I'm so sorry you have been diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer my husband passed away in July with the same diagnosis we did not have counselling but I wish we had he was given 2 to 3 months but passed away 3 weeks later I thought we had time to discuss how he felt how I felt so a lot went unsaid ,

it would have made it easier for me had I known how he really felt so please tell your partner prepare her for the inevitable leave nothing unsaid as it is very hard to live with not knowing you sound like a very loving person who no matter what you are going through you are putting the feelings of your partner first

godbless you be strong and my prayers are with you both love Maria xx

Hi there TEDMax, so sorry to hear that you have Stage 4 cancer. You seem to have come to terms with this diagnosis, although I don't know whether its' possible to totally deal with our own death in advance. I too, am at a point where I will die with this disease; its' just a matter of when. My oncologist won't put a time on it because he said he's wrong every time. I guess I'll know when the time gets closer. My partner and I have fully discussed my situation with this disease right from the start and we talk openly about the fact that I am going to die with it. I am also going to access Assisted Death which is now legal in Canada, with conditions. I meet the conditions. It was important for me to make sure he totally understands my wishes when the time comes as he will be a part of that in contacting the medical people who will perform the procedure. He knows why I want this and he agrees with me, although he isn't sure if he would want it for himself, and it is a very personal decision. Talking openly about my impending death with him has been very helpful to both of us and I think it will help him when the time comes. Not talking about it is like the elephant in the room. Everyone knows its' there, but no one talks about it. There's nothing worse than keeping something this important inside where it eats away at you a little more each day. This is the time for both of you to communicate your fears and concerns as you take this journey together. If you need the assistance of a therapist, then by all means arrange for that service. Your oncologist should be able to recommend someone who specializes in that field.

I hope your journey on this road is as manageable as possible for you and that you have a good medical team in your corner. Take care my friend.

Sending hugs to you and your partner.

Lorraine