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My Dad has terminal brain cancer and not long to go

20 Mar 2023 19:55

What can I say? I am devastated that we are talking weeks left with my Dad. He went into hospital after he kept falling and they found a mass around 5 weeks ago in his brain. No one updated us with any info apart from his 2nd admittance to hopital just over two weeks ago where a doctor 'slipped up' and told us that he had a tumour that was cancerous.  We processed it over a few days but then they said they weren't sure and would support us in a complaint about the member of staff that told us he did. A silver lining that he may be with us for a bit longer. Today My Dad had an appt which I went to with him as he was supposed to be going into a nursing home aswell. They had ruled out surgery as he is 80 ( I know you're thinking he's had a good innings but for me it makes it harder to let go) so I thought I was going to an appt to be told how they would manage it with meds so went to the appt alone with my Dad. . 

I was told he has terminal brain cancer that is so agressive, he has a matter of weeks. I can see the decline in him everytime I go and visit and can't bear him not being here. When the surgeon was telling us, my Dad didn't fully understand so I was having to 'interpret' through my tears what he was saying. My Dad kept saying 'I'm a survivor' but I knew by their faces he hasn't got long. I pushed him from the hopistal in a wheelchair to my car and I cried in silence all the way. He just chatted and even said ' I might get to Blackpool for a couple of days in the Summer' which set me off again. 

I feel like I'm on the verge of a breakdown as My 90 year old mother ( who my dad cared for up until a few months ago) has dementia and we put her in a nursing home as they said they would take my Dad and now they are refusing citing a heated discussion I had with a member of staff, regarding My Dad's admission, yesterday as the reason. We have asked a social worker to step in and are now considering a hospice for My Dad so will move my Mum to a nice care home as she was only in a nursing home because they said they would take my Dad. 

I cannot go into work tomorrow as I am so upset and I work in a high school that had just experienced the death of a pupil over the weekend. I feel I am surrounded by sorrow and upset. I  can't see how I will ever get over this, it is truly the worse day of my life.

How do you go about processing this? 

My Dad has terminal brain cancer and not long to go

22 Mar 2023 22:35 in response to Chapman300

Hello Chapman300 and a big welcome to Cancer Chat, 

I am so sorry to hear the devastating news that you have been told you only have weeks left with your dad. What a shock it must have been to you to be told that he has an aggressive cancerous brain tumour and your story of how your dad kept saying he would be going to Blackpool this summer for a couple of days was so moving. 

Going through all this at the same time as your mother is struggling with dementia must be emotionally so hard and so exhausting too for you. I can understand why you would want to take time off work with everything you are having to deal with at the moment especially if on top of that a pupil in the high school where you work passed away over the weekend. It is a lot of sorrow and upset to have to take in and perhaps you just need to take a few days off work to recharge your batteries a little, to breathe and think about yourself, perhaps read a book or do something you enjoy and feel better physically and emotionally just for a minute. I would also get in touch with your GP and tell your doctor your story and make sure you mention what you wrote here, that you feel you are on the verge of a breakdown. Your doctor will I am sure have some good suggestions for you to help you feel a little better and help you cope day after day taking just one day at a time in the coming days and weeks whilst you are supporting your dad in these difficult moments. 

I thought I would also share with you our information for Family, Friends and Caregivers which has good tips on how to support a loved one with cancer but also, which is extremely important, helpful suggestions for taking care of yourself. Do talk to your GP though and it's better to do it sooner rather than later as soon as you sense that you are beginning to feel overwhelmed (and understandably so) by everything that is happening to you and your loved ones at the moment. 

We're thinking of you, your mum and your poor dad during this difficult time. Rest assured you are not alone and I will now let other forum members who have been in this situation before come and say hello and share their story with you. 

Best wishes, 

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

My Dad has terminal brain cancer and not long to go

5 Apr 2023 01:43 in response to Moderator Lucie

Thank you for your supportive email. 

It is just over three weeks since diagnosis and he is dying as we speak. He was given 24 hours on Sunday and just made it into the nursing home on Saturday. He had a last meal with my Mum and fell asleep, he has been unconscious ever since. He was deemed 'not ill enough' for a hospice and the hospital kept him nearly three weeks where his care declined by the day and we saw to him when we visited. We begged to get him out and it was all he asked of us. We are taking it in shifts to watch over him as we want someone to be with him. My eldest son is flying back from Brazil, this was the earliest flights he could get after the devastating news, we hope my Dad is holding on for him as the medical staff have said they don't know how he is still alive given his state. 

I have woken in the middle of the night sobbing and thinking about that awful day when it was just me and him. I would give everything to have it as it was with them both pottering along in their bungalow, waving from the little summerhouse. 

My heart breaks with memories.My Mum tells us daily she doesn't want to be here without him. I fear she will die of a broken heart not long after