Lost my wife to Brest cancer 5 days ago age39

You have helped me too

No one else can understand how we're feeling other than people who have been through that too.

I never thought about a message I was wallowing in self pity at that time. 

Yes im here, I'm always here. 
 

how are you doing today?

I know but I'm a person who always reads up on stuff and being angry and struggling to believe their gone is part og grief. There are times when I think I'm mad and I'm like I'm cracked this is it I want to die what the hell is going on and it's part of grief. Apparently it takes time for your brain to catch up with what's happened. 
 

Which sucks. 

Yes I think it's a nurse thing. If I don't know something I always read up on it, medications, weird and wonderful diseases, I was terrible for googling what was wrong with Lewis. 
yes we were robbed, I feel like I don't know where my life is going now. Hopefully I will feel more purposeful when im back at work but im nowhere near ready for that yet. 

No way really. 
I lost grandparents, aunt and uncle but I was young so it didn't really affect me. This is something completely different.
I try to plan a couple of things to do for the day like change the bed sheets empty dishwasher take out recycling, if it doesn't get done no fuss. I watch tv a lot I've just started watching the flash again. Far too much online shopping. I have my crafty bits but I dont do it every day, I've ordered some puzzles today. I'm going to see my work friends tomorrow for a change of scene. 

Have you talked to your GP? I spoke to mine yesterday she gave me some diazepam to help with the anxiety attacks when I feel like I can't stop crying, she told me to take one at night to help with sleep and I can take them during the day to help me if I get bad. It took a while to get to sleep but I feel calm and in control right now I only took one last night. 
Have you looked at cruse bereavement also? You can talk to them on the phone or a like a text chat thing might be helpful. 
 

I had a dream the other night that Lewis was at home and making a mess and I was like since you've been gone the  flat has been so much tidier! It was a funny dream. 

Have you heard of rescue remedy it's a herbal thing but people say it helps. I bought some sleep spray it's like lavender and other nice smells that just smell nice on the pillows.