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Introducing myself

8 Nov 2012 22:43

Hi all,

I have been diagnosed with breast cancer 5 weeks ago! Unfortunately the surgeon had an accident with a diathermy during the last op and so instead of a few stitches I also had a burn thro the nipple and other wounds causing damage I had not been prepared could happen!! They didn't get clear margins so I hav been waiting all this time for wounds to heal and nearly there now although I may lose it anyway after the next op!!

My husband and I are not getting along his behaviour is nasty at times and hasn't apologised!!( fearful and stressed) And I feel let down as am trying to keep strong and spirits up so am quite angry with him. I had a melt down today after being told a senior manager from work who is a bully will be calling me and turning down an op for Monday coz I just had enuf of it all-and didn't feel ready as wounds is still a little vulnerable!!

I started to think of my father who did of lung cancer aged 47 ( same age I am now) and in my lonliness thought how he wouldv understood what it's like and so googled to find someone to relate roams found this site and wanted to respond to Karen who introduced herself earlier then I remembered I had cancer myself so thought I'd start with an intrduction so here I am!!

Re: Introducing myself

9 Nov 2012 00:11 in response to Afaith

Hi Afaith,   Poor you, what a mess no wonder you feel you've had enough.  Do you have a named breast nurse you can talk re the second op through with?

So sorry you're not being supported by your hubby, you can allways come on here and sound off, or for a bit of support  -  it helps to let off stream.

I had a full masectomy (with no reconstruction my choice, less surgergy to recover from) but still wear lowish t-shirts with a softy.

Hope you soon get sorted  and can feel you are making progress against this disease.

Take care, gardenlady.

Re: Introducing myself

9 Nov 2012 00:30 in response to gardenlady

Thanku gardenlady!

Thought I'd never get a response!! My named breastnurse is great and all pleased at the progress of the wounds but I just feel devastated really no matter how positive I try to be and think how worse it could be. We have discussed next op but today when she called I just didn't feel like talking and always hold back thinking about all the worse patients she must see!!

My husbands father is illwith alzheimers and I think it's just all too much for him- he can't support himself let alone me!!

I have post traumatic stress due to a situation at work and hav not recovered. I was keeping my head above water until was told this senior manager was calling he's a bully so it triggered the post traumatic stress which is awful - I wonder if this was a factor in causing the cancer? Does anyone have experience knowledge of stress being a cause?

Anyway lovely lady thanku for sharing and thank god for a sense of humor eh!!

Re: Introducing myself

9 Nov 2012 07:37 in response to Afaith

Hi Afaith,

Welcome to the forum. I am sorry to hear about your situation and that you husband is not supporting you, for now is the time you need his support more than ever. But people on here, especially gardenlady who is a lovely lady, will do what they can to help and support you. If it is possible, when your senior manager calls, it might be advisable to try and record his conversation if possible so that you have a record of his conversation to you. I am not a medical person and I have not heard of stress or worry causing cancer but it certainly does not help having it when you are already low and suffering from the affects of cancer.

Please take care and anytime you want to talk or are feeling low, please do not hesitate to come back on here, and I hope you will keep us updated on how you are getting on, as although none of us on here may never meet, there are a lot of caring people on here who will do all they can to help you through this most difficult time.

Best wishes, regards Brian

Re: Introducing myself

9 Nov 2012 17:33 in response to Afaith

Hi Afaith,   How are you feeling?   Sounds mean but don't think about the other patients at the moment. you're in overload already and need to consentrate on looking after yourself.  It knocks you for six a cancer diagnosis, especially with the other things going on in your life.  Your husband sounds as if he has enough going on in his life also, why do these things allways come at once?

Good advice from woodworm, a diary ( a legal record) to write things down re your work, helps to off load also.  You work have a legal requirement to deal with you under the disibilitys act,  i.e. accomodate any special requirement that cancer and its treatment brings with it.  My hubby was lucky he had six months off and a phased return to work. he

Hope you are feeling a little better and can face getting rid of this cancer.  Must go got something cooking.  Scooze my spelling!

Take care, gardenlady

Re: Introducing myself

10 Nov 2012 00:03 in response to gardenlady

Hi all

how lovely to login after a tough day and find two people have took the time to reply!! Thanku brian and gardenlady so much!! I didn't realise cancer comes under disabilities and will just need to hav boundaries with this man when he calls and let him know I'm not up to it!! I hav another illness which comes under dda and was on azathioprine which increases risk of cancer so hav stopped that now. But stress triggers the bechets sydrome and so I can't afford to get stressed due to that anyway!! Really need to get another job but can't be dealing with that now!! I will just hav to stand up to him and tell him I need to forget about work for now. ( he may even just be calling to be nice!! Who knows!!)

I had dressing off at hospital today and wounds hav healed but I couldn't stop being tearful at the damage I was not prepared for!! No one seems to understand that although it could be worse and all that it's still hard as a woman to get messed up and that's it better!! And got to go for more on 19th and that may not be the last op so damage isn't total yet!! Anyway I think the crying done me good as I'm feeling less dressed just a bit down and tired now!! For the last five weeks from day I was told all the strength I hav ever had kicked in and I've been hanging on to it for dear life thinking if I let it go and the emotions in that I would be letting the cancer in?? Like I had to stay big and keep the cancer small. Does anyone relate? Anyway I feel less stressed after I let myself scream a bit in the car afterwards at the damage to my breast and I'm still bigger than the cancer!!

Your right garden lady cancer diagnosis does knock u for six!!

Thankyou soooooo much for your replies xx

Re: Introducing myself

10 Nov 2012 08:46 in response to Afaith

Hi Afaith,

Thank you for the update and your reply. I am glad that you had a cry in the car as it really doesn't do to keep things bottled up too much. The problem is for people with cancer, it's like your being hit twice. There's the physical problems to deal with like the operation and all the different treatments, but then there the psychological side to have to deal with and all of the different emotions that are attached to this. Fear, worry, anger, disbelief, and why me are all part of cancers web.  And that's often harder to deal with for the hospital doesn't help you with this at all much. I fear patients are left pretty much to deal with this all on their own. I'm not knocking the hospital staff, its just that there doesn't seem to the realization sometimes of how a patient can be affected by worry.

I like what you say about staying big and keeping the cancer small. I think that is a brilliant attitude. Any way, stay strong and keep fighting this cancer. Anytime you feel you need support or just want to talk, please come back on here and let us know and we will respond.And please keep us updated on you progress. Thank you.

Sending you best wishes, kind regards Brian.

Re: Introducing myself

10 Nov 2012 10:48 in response to Afaith

Hi again,

Its me back again. I just wanted to say well done for responding to others on here. I hope that by doing so you find it is helping you as well. I do hope so.

Have a good weekend, take care, kind wishes Brian.

Re: Introducing myself

10 Nov 2012 11:22 in response to woodworm

Hi Brian

Your so great!! I have just logged in and was Just about to reply and say how cheeky I felt responding so soon!! So thanku for the encouragement and your lovely reply to my update! I couldn't sleep last night so logged in and saw a couple of people had no replies and I know how nice it was to get a reply from u and gardenlady so thought I would take the time to do the same so justing passing on the kindness here as u do!! ( my spelling is awful sometimes isn't it!! Dressed instead of stressed!!! Lol)

Anyway it was appropriate experience shared which can be so valuable can't it- to know your not alone or hear something inspiring or just that it's ok.

Your so right Brian about the lack of understanding out there but I suppose it's like anything - the experience of something has much more depth than the theory and until ur there can't know fully what's involved!! For example before I had breastcancer I could really understand the easy attitude some people had to masectomy that it's a sensible thing to do as a preventative measure I had no idea about the strong self preservation that kicks in at the same time making it very hard!!

Anyway how r u Brian? And thanks again!! Kind regards to you too. Ann 

Re: Introducing myself

10 Nov 2012 12:46 in response to Afaith

Hi Ann,

Thanks once again for your kind reply. It is certainly not cheeky at all responding so soon after joining and I thought your replies were very well thought out. I have only been a member of this forum since late May and just like you, when people have no replies, I try to respond even if at times I cant answer their specific questions. I did join two other groups but I don't use them much as I find this forum has a much friendlier feel to it. I know that may sound silly but that's just how I feel about Cancer Chat.

Thanks also for asking how I am. I know what I'm about to tell you may convince you I am daft, but having had prostate cancer has made me a better person. I appreciate the little things in life so much more now Ann, and I feel more contented with life than ever before. Pre-cancer, I would never have joined a site like this and joined in like I do. I feel so very lucky to have made a good recovery from cancer and I really feel for people travelling cancers rocky pathway and all the problems they face. Over the years I have lost several family members to cancer, including my mother so I now know what its like one both sides of the fence so to speak.

Once again well done for joining in, and do take care, best wishes, Brian

Re: Introducing myself

10 Nov 2012 16:02 in response to woodworm

Hey Brian

I don't think your daft it's admirable to turn a negative into a positive I know exactly what you mean!! Some of the worst times of me life have in the end turned out to be blessings not that cancer is a blessing!!

I too have lost people to cancer my father was the first who died age 47 (the same age as I am now!!) my cousin (age 30) grandparents,two uncles and two aunts all on my dads side of the family!! So I have been on other side of the fence too!!

I too have never joined any kind of site ( not even fbook) and feel this site is warm friendly and positive!!

Thankyou for sticking around and giving back Brian!! Ann

Re: Introducing myself

18 Nov 2012 16:51 in response to Afaith

Hi Ann,

Just like to ask how are you keeping and did you have that bully from work visit you? How is your treatment going?

I see your name croping up quite reguralry on this site and I think you are already helping a lot of people with your well thought our replies. Please take care Best wishes, Brian

Re: Introducing myself

18 Nov 2012 19:57 in response to woodworm

Hey Brian

so nice of you to ask how I am- hav another op tomorrow which I know will be hard to sign for after last time but it has to be done- I'm bracing myself!! Had family and friends round most of the weekend which was nice we had some fun!! Needed to lift the spirits as you know and it helped to have a rant on here. Everything came to a head at once last week coming to terms with damage work stuff( sent him a nice card with the basics and that I'm not up for calls but hope sick cert helps him to plan- gp signed me off for two months!!) so hope he leaves me alone for a while!! And life happening and preparing for another op!! So grabbed all the support I could and feel like head is above water!! Ready as I will ever be I think!!

It has to be done and so be it. I am lucky somthing can be done I guess and so to it!!

It has helped to try to give to others if I hang around I might get as good as you!! How's the hot flushes!! Lol - poor thing!!? No really how are you Brian apart from being amazing at supporting us all?!!

Best wishes Ann

Re: Introducing myself

18 Nov 2012 20:46 in response to Afaith

Hi Afaith

Just read your response to Brian and wanted to add a huge good luck hug for tomorrow. Hope all goes well.Jules54

Re: Introducing myself

18 Nov 2012 21:43 in response to Afaith

Hi Ann,

Thank you for you kind words and for asking how I am. I am keeping really well, thank you, and am enjoying life. I am glad you have your work problem resolved for now and that you have had a good weekend with your friends. It makes a lot of difference if we have support and laughter to help us.  After your previous experience with the hospital you seem to have a very positive attitude towards tomorrows operation. I am sure that after letting you down last time they will make sure all goes smoothly this time.

Please take care, all the best, regards Brian