Hello.

I'm 29 and I care for my Mum full-time. She has breast cancer that spread to her lung, kidney and brain. 

I am finding it incredibly tough, especially now that I'm "Mum" in the house. Between looking after Mum, housework, alone time and spending time with my Fiancee, I'm struggling. I'm constantly tired, as I live on around 6-7hrs of sleep a night. I constantly find myself wanting to spend my days on the couch watching TV alone. This is making me feel guilty because Mum is starting to feel lonely. My fiancee, who suffers from depression, is also starting to feel neglected. Over the last couple of months, I did an entire clear out of the house, which has wiped all of my energy and now I just can't be bothered doing anything. Right now I'm putting off getting up off the couch and doing the big pile of dishes that I have let build up for the last few days.

I don't really have anyone to talk to about this. Most of the time, when I'm around people, I don't want to talk about this. I have to live with it everyday and want the chance to talk about other things. Maybe I don't like the questions from people who don't understand what I'm going through?

Anyway, I'm going to try and force myself off the couch now to get those dishes done. I would like the chance to talk to other though about everything.

Looking forward to a chat :) 

Linsey xxx

Hi Butterfly89, 

I'm 22 and my dad has terminal cancer. He's been told he may only have a few weeks and theyve stopped chemo as it was not helping. 

I don't know how to react. When I get upset I feel as if I should be fine, day to day jobs can be so difficult to maintain. Some days I just want to break down and cry but I feel like I need to just carry on and live my life. I don't think friends or colleagues really understand, they can empathise but until it happens to you I don't think you can relate to the overwhelming sadness. 

I hope your dad continues to do well x

Hi, hope your all doing well!! I am just turned 22 years old and know exactly how you are all feeling!! Unfortunately my dad passed away last week and it's just such an awful feeling, your right not many people understand.

i feel sorry for my mum mainly, it's all shes ever known and now she's all alone when I'm not in the house. This is an Awful time in my life. 

Hi

just wanted to say that I have just gone through this with my grand children    My son in law was diagnosed at 38 8 years ago with stage 4 colon cancer and just passed away 8 weeks ago  he left behind m daughter and two children age 18 and 15   They were quite young at thebeginning and were told right away that their dad was really sick   They endured man surgeries ,ups and downs but handled his death very well I think children's need to be part of the journey as  they are very resilient . It's better for them to know than to try and figure it out for themselves  the one thing was they never talked about hm dying until toward the end   That little guy will talk when he is ready  b

Hello Charlotte, 

Thanks for the reply. 

It's comforting to hear others understand even though it's under such sad terms. So sorry to hear your mum has terminal cancer :-( absolutely devastating! How is your mum in herself is she able to do much for herself? It does make you angry doesn't it, can't quite get my ahead around the 'why us' part. It's very unfair! How old your little girl? I've got a little boy whose nearly 3 he worships my Dad they adore one another and I hate to think what will happen one day. Friends and even family can be insensitive or say the wrong things and it really does anger me as it's such a touchy subject. That's why I find myself seeking support on places like this where others will relate and understand. How's the rest of your family coping?

My dad's been ok recently, since his diagnosis last year the chemo was deteoriating him so much then he needed an emergency bowel operation if left he'd of died within a day. Was such a terrifying time. Then he recovered and was doing well up until Feb this year when he suffered a stroke but he's recovered well from that too. He managed to enjoy a 3 week holiday in May/June and he's now not feeling well again. He's worried the cancers started growing again and he's made it quite clear he doesn't want to go back onto chemo so he's hoping there will be some other options. He will never be cured it's just to bide him time they said last year. He's able to do things for himself but not as once before, doing certain things takes time and effort and he gets frustrated a lot. To top it off my nans been diagnosed with dementia and skin cancer within the last few months  (my dad's mum). 

We may need to get a wheelchair for my dad at some point as he's not able to walk too far without feeling weak and breathless. Are you able to take your mum out in the wheelchair to many places? 

Never in a million years did I think I'd be a member of a cancer forum however it's been a real comfort at times. Xxx

Hello Linsey, 

Thank you for your reply.

So sorry you find yourself on here and that your dear mum is suffering from cancer. I hope you find some comfort and support on here and you're welcome to chat with me any time you like. 

I can completely understand how hard it must be to try and balance everything on your own with caring for your mum and still doing things for yourself so that you have a life. Is there any other friends or family who are able to step in just to give you a little break at times? There is only so much you're able to do, as well as try to look after yourself. I really do hope you have support around you and somebody is able to lend a helping hand. I'm sure leaving the dishes isn't going to hurt, sometimes little things can be left if it means you get some rest or time to yourself. 

I can relate, it can be tough to talking to others who don't understand they try to but it's nowhere near the same as experiencing this first hand. I really do hope you can open up to us on here, I'm a good listener for a start and am happy to offer help and support. Just remember you're not alone my lovely.

Xxx

Hello, 

Thank you for your reply to my thread. 

So sorry your poor Dad has terminal cancer. It is such a difficult and devastating time for you at the moment. If you feel the urge to cry, shout then do so try not to leave it all to build up. You have to be kind to yourself and only do what feels natural for you. It's ok to get upset after all your dad is so poorly and it's one of those things nobody ever wants to experience or face. You're right, nobody understands. Some of my friends and even family show little understanding or sympathy, others completely ignore the subject which comes across insensitive but maybe they just don't know what to say. 

Hope you keep talking on here, it's comforting to find others who understand. Xxx

Hello Monkeyboy,

Thank you for your reply. 

I am ever so sorry to hear your dad passed away and only last week too, utterly devastating. Do you have much support around you? I hope you're finding the strength to get through each and every day although it's very hard for you. I do hope you're looking after yourself. Your poor mum probably feels like part of her is missing, it will no doubt be very hard for her. I really wish these things didn't happen, it's heartbreaking and life changing. How are we meant to carry on with such an empty hole in our lives......

Big hugs x

Hello Jane, 

Thanks for your reply. 

Sorry to hear about your son in law, your poor daughter and grandchildren he's left behind. How are they coping? It sounds like you have strong grandchildren, I bet he was very proud of them. It's very hard at any age dealing with a sick parent or a loss of a parent. X