HI Brian, I've read a lot of your posts but never replied until now.

i know how you are feeling I lost my best friend a month ago he was only 51 , battled like mad for 2 years , sadly missed by his wife Wendy and all the

family and friends... I lost my aunt 10 days ago to brain cancer 

i have 2 other other friends also with this *** disease

since my friend died it's hit me very hard, so much so that I've been put on lorazepam , hate the stuff, but it's stopped me waking up shaking with anxiety and fear.also I've been referred to a physiatrist , saw him last Friday, he told me that he has 12 relations all with some form of cancer, that sent me down straight say ... Plus he said at least you know how you will pass over .. That freaked me out... He tried to put it in context saying that he was relieved that his father passed quickly , instead of being struck down with dementia or altzeimers or some other debilitating disease , in  that his father was still working, came home at lunch time and peacefully passed t

hat afternoon.... What he said didn't help me,none of us want to pass, we are fighters , but we are not immortal ... 

We are human , and although the body is incredible , there are only so many things that it can take on board before a valve breaks and we go into panic mode or high anxiety . I had a nephew tony in May last year, plus the San showed an 11 mm nodule, so far after. Pet scan in September and a ct scan early December there has been no change in size, ,y next scan is in 2 weeks, so now the worry has started , I'm a bIt shot to pieces coping with the losses of my friend and aunt.. 

If the nodule is not good then I have been told that the next step would be a 

lobectomy which I would have immediatly

i wake up every morning with anxiety and stress, hence the lorazepam, this has only been since my friend terry passed. the loss has hit me so hard , so very hard 

coping with loss is hard enough when you are totally well it's far harder when we have this *** disease

i live in Spain, and I'm going to see what I can do to find other people Here for support and also try and like you support them... 

Hope to hear from you alan

Hi Brian

Just wanted to send  you my condolences on the loss of your uncle, also to prostate cancer. It is never easy hearing such news but find your way of dealing with it, in that you continue to hep many charities as a very positive one and one I am sure your relatives would be so very proud of you.  Stay well and take care. Jules

Hi Alan,

Thanks for your reply. I hope your next scan goes well and you get good news afterwards

Sending kind thoughts your way, Brian.

Hi Jules,

Many thank for the kind words Jules. It was quite a shock as I didnt even know he was ill until my sister told me about him. He had been quite active for his age. He was 92 so he was about the same age as dad when he passed.  He came over to England once and popped in to see us for a short while. Mum was alive at the time and she got to meet him.

Cancer has really hit our family hard over the years.

Thanks again, Brian.

Hi Brian,

Hearing of a relative's passing when you are not aware that they are ill can be hard and I suspect your sister felt she did not wish to worry you especially as you are so far away. I have been notified in this way but often only after a post mortem as a couple of relatives passed away years ago without having the knowledge they had cancer.  Always a shock for the family/friends.   I am pleased that you had been able to meet him many years ago along with your Mum and despite his loss to cancer he lived to a good age like your Dad.  Take care.  Jules

Hi Jules,

Many thanks for your kind words. I was contacted by a cancer charity yesterday who are doing some publicity about prostate cancer and they wanted to talk to me about my experiance and the need for early diagnosis. Coming just after the death of my uncle, I was very pleased to be able to help. They have written something and have sent it to me for my approval. They also want a photo.

Take care sending kind thoughts your way, Brian.

Hi Brian 

My condolences to you and your family.  Totally understand how the feeling as currently both my parent are fighting with cancer