Hello, I remember feeling that dread and fear.   For me, I think the waiting part was one of the worst aspects of a referral.  No matter how much you tell your self the statistics are in your favour, it does nothing to silence the fear of "what if".  You then start to notice all sorts of niggles and pains and your mind immediately jumps to the anxiety of "Is that cancer? ".  Every headache could be a matatises.  Awful, awful time.  
Waiting is a unique form of torture.   Is there anyone you can talk to at home?  At work?  I was astonished at how many people had been through a cancer at work.  They've been a huge support to me.  Diversion helps to a degree.  

For me when I finally got my diagnosis I felt a weird warped sense of relief that the waiting was over.  And knowing what I was going to have to face and deal with was shocking but at that moment,  far preferable to the not knowing.   

xxxxxxxxx
 

Hi, thank you so much for your reply, yes every wee niggle I think must have spread, I'm so tense that my neck is sore, 

keep feeling both shoulders to see if they fee the same m.

i have spoken to my cousin and couple close friends, they have been great, 1 is running me to my appointment. Can't tell my daughter and son till I find out results . I have told myself its going to be bad news. Will be a mess on Tuesday appointment is in afternoon so have all morning to wait . As you say the waiting is the worst, 

I hope you are keeping ok 

Thanks

Similar here, 46, single parent, boys 14 and 12, biopsy and mammogram on Thursday. Go through waves of utter panic...

Same going on here, had biopsy and results apt is on Friday having waited 2 weeks. The waiting is driving me mad, I am going through waves of sadness and crying and then I have a chat to myself and say whatever it is I will deal with it. 
 

I have definitely found some of the posts on here very heart warming and reassuring. 

I'm doing really well, thank you.  I've finished chemo, and on Thursday I have my op.  

Regarding your tension and subsequent sore neck, do you have time to fit in a massage?   Ideally incorporating  a scalp massage.  If nothing else, it feels soothing.   You need to be kind to yourself.  

One of my most effective diversions during the wait and during treatment was to "Maria Kondo" the s#it out of my home.  There's something very cathartic about clearing cupboards and wardrobes and drawers.  Decluttering, for whatever reason,  helped me to feel noticeably calmer.  Not to mention, my cutlery drawer was a thing of absolute beauty!   
Getting out into the countryside was another good, healthy diversion...specifically woods, there's just something about being canopied by trees that repairs shredded nerves.  I also had an urge to go to the seaside ....but so far the opportunity has eluded me.  

Like you, I didn't want to tell my children or any of my family until I had my diagnosis.  I didn't want to burden them until absolutely necessary.  
What day is your appointment?  
xxx

I'm a single mum too, 52, with 3 boys, 18, 21 and 25.  
I had amazing support from my work colleagues and my friends, throughout the whole banana crazy "Me....cancer???  You have got to be kidding??!!!" charade.  And to be brutally honest, sitting here with a bald head and chipmunk bloated cheeks, it still feels like it could all be a crazy, bad taste joke.  Any minute now I'm going to do a Pam Ewing and wake up and it'll all have been a nutty dream.
 

Not once have I felt lonely though.  To be frank it's been something of a load off being single.  Having the space to come to terms with my diagnosis without worrying about inflicting it on a partner was, for me, a big positive.  Having the luxury of having my bed to myself and the whole covers on, covers off,  shivery, sweaty aspect of an average night with chemo sweats, was far better being the only occupant of the bed.  Then there's the farting.  But I'll just leave that there.  
I'm astonishingly lucky, you know, killer cancer aside.  I have brilliant friends.  The sort of mates that even go and bleach my boys bathroom .....without the safety of a hazmat suit.  That's true friendship...above and beyond, right there.  

Do whatever you have to do to get through this awful waiting lark.  Look after yourself, as much as you can.  Don't expect much of yourself either, during this wait.  Your mind has a lot to juggle with.  xxx

Scillygirl, you amazing lady

doo-doo, kindness in the smallest things
simplydivine, finding just the space, on here, to say 'I'm freaking out' and for that to be ok, is a real strength 

I too have been cathartic in my 'sorting'. Regardless of the outcome, this situation has brought home to me that if I were ' knocked down by a bus tomorrow' there's a load of 'stuff' that my boys simply don't need to have to deal with...

best wishes one and all, so great to chat with you xx

Hi

Im glad you are doing well, good luck with your op on Thursday 

oh yes kitchen cupboards have been cleaned out this morning, your right there is something calming about cleaning.

I have a new grandson born on 31 jan so he def keeping my spirits up my son and his girlfriend, My daughter and son in law are going through IVF don't want to add to her pressure. My mum had her voice box removed last January, as a family can't take much more. My appointment is tomorrow afternoon.

Hi

The waiting time must be horrible, hooefuly your results will be all clear, My appointment is tomorrow, I will be a nervous wreck.

The post here have been so reassuring, everyone is in the same position so knows how we all feel

Hey doo-doo

Hope all goes well tomorrow, I'll be thinking of you, are you going for results or tests. Please let me know how you get on. 
I'm here if you need to offload  

Lisa xx