Welcome to our forum, jenny52 although I'm sorry to hear about the reason that brings you here.

Hopefully some of our members who can relate to what you are going through at the moment will be along shortly to share their experiences with you and offer support, but until then feel free to post as much as you need, sometimes simply 'writing things' out of our chest helps, so stay strong and remember that whenever you need a place to chat we are here for you.

Also, I understand that you are already in touch with the psychologist service provided by your work, which is good, but if you feel like chatting with someone else on the phone might help, our cancer nurses are a phone call away, and you can reach them by calling this number 0808 800 4040, Monday - Friday between 9 a.m. - 5 p.m.

Best wishes,

Renata, Cancer Chat Moderator

Hi, I too lost my mum two months ago. From diagnosis to her passing away was just 3 weeks, and like your father she had no pain or warning. By the time the cancer was diagnosed the tumour was too large to treat. We were all shocked and stunned to hear that she just had days to live. All you can do is spend as much time as you can with your father, tell him you love him and make the most of the time left. Take him to his favourite places (if he's still mobile), talk about the fun things you've done in he past, I don't really have an answer and there's nothing I can say to make you feel better. Losing a parent is very disorienting, more so when you've been told they haven't got much time. Meditation can also help to calm yourself down. Unfortunately, this is a storm which you just have to get through, but like everything else in life, this too will pass.

Dear Jenny ,

I relate to you so much . I'm 26 and work as a nurse in a rehabilitation hospital. My dad was diagnosed with stage 4 bowel cancer 2 years ago . Be has had his first day on morphine today and we have been told that the end is near for him . 

I had to call into work three days ago and told them I couldn't do the 3 might shifts that I was rostered for . I was distraught on the phone , crying. I was so embarrassed. I didn't feel like an adult . My nurse manager understood but I just feel like why can't I cope ? Other people have to go to work while their family members are very I'll , why am I any way different ? But no. I have to stop thinking like that . Family are more important than work no matter how much passion you have as a nurse .

I don't want to live with regrets. I am cherishing every bit of time I have with my dad . But what has made the last two years harder for me is hat I'm 'the nurse' I'm the family. The outside and inner guilt I have felt when my dad becomes more I'll e.g. gets sepsis has been overwhelming . Being a nurse when a family member is termially ill is a blessing and a curse . You have a fair idea of what's happening in real time . And then when you are in work it becomes more and more exhausting to but your heart into the job. 

My advise to you is to take time.off . Spend it with your dad . Find a balance and look after yourself . 

I'm here to talk if that helps . 

Nurse from Dublin 

X 

Hi Moonhead

I’m so sorry to hear about your dad, my dad actually passed away last June, his cancer was just too advanced and aggressive.

I can empathise with you completely about being ‘the nurse’ in the family! You pick up on those signs others might miss and I felt frightened of the worst with every deterioration. I felt family often wanted explicit answers about what happens at the end which I didn’t want to think about my dad reaching. 

Reflecting on last year I can take a lot of positives from having that knowledge and I was able to care for and keep my dad at home for his final days and although it was all consuming at the time I’m so proud now that we could meet his wishes as he just wanted to be at home.

With regards to work, there’s only one you and work will still be standing without you. I couldn’t have looked after anyone else and had a lot of resentment towards people which was a normal part of my grieving process but didn’t fit it with work. I was very fortunate to have supportive managers so I could be at work when things were steady but had no regrets about taking time off and looking back I wouldn’t change this either.

Enjoy the time you can with your dad, take photos, record his voice and cherish the time you do have.

Here if you need anything 

Jenny x