Hi first time poster here,
My mum was diagnosed with breast cancer in Feb last year. She had the operation in March and then radiotherapy. She's been on medication since. She got the all clear around April/May. Apart from the operation day I was really positive throughout, just thinking it would be fine and almost laughing it off. When she got the all clear I just thought this was a lucky escape and a wake up call to live our lives to the full. I was fully aware it can come back but didn't really think about it as the doctors said it was only in the one place and nothing had spread to the lymph nodes.
Last week she found a lump in her neck and shes waiting to go for a scan. I have gone to pieces since. Crying everyday ( I never cry) I can't sleep, I lie in bed with all sorts of horrible thoughts. I had my first ever panic attack which was horrible, I used to dismiss people who had them but now I know what they are like. Why am I feeling like this when at this stage the new lump could be nothing? Why have I jumped straight to the doomsday scenario? I've even started rehearsing what I'm going to say at Mum's funeral. Why am I not positive like last time and saying we are going to fight this and win?
Im scared that it's some kind of parent/child intuition where I sub consciously know something is wrong and that it's the road to the worst case scenario. My thoughts are sending me stir crazy. The tiredness because I can't shut my eyes without seeing mum. My mind going back over my life even to when I was little.
As I say I'm struggling to cope.
Any responses most welcome