Hi there ...

I felt l had to reply ... that could be written by me ... I was really strong with my breast cancer after that first shock wore off .. I look back, and just seemed to sale through ... I was more worried for my close family ... even now a part of me thinks it was all a dream ( or nightmare, dep which way I look at it)  and l only have to look at the scar to know it really did happen, as I had a total masectomy... not always o.k .. had a few down days too ...

Then a few months after my op.. my son had been having stomach problems and he's type one diabetic .. well he had to have all those tubes from both ends ... as cancer was a possibility ... I fell apart .. I was hysterical for most of the day ... when he phoned me I couldn't hear him over my crying ... it turned out he was fine.. it was a digestion problem ... but oh my ... thought I'd never stop crying ...

So don't worry, you are just the same, we can face us but not loved ones .. but now you must remember.. you kicked cancers *** ... so get that same head on ... and get him through his journey... you've been there, got the tea shirt ... he will look to you for help through .. this is his journey now ... get him a pair of vertual boxing gloves, ready to get in the ring with all of us ... remember what got you through.. what you needed .. now is the time to pass it on .. while admitting your both scared ... 

Big hug to you ... Chrissie 

Hi,

I absolutely know what you mean. I've battled melanoma for many years yet I was gutted when my mum was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. It's taken me some time to understand why my emotions were different & why I found it hard to cope - it's all about CONTROL. 

When you are sick you learn all you can from your doctors & getting advice from forums, websites etc. You have to make treatment and welfare decisions & you have an amount of control over how you deal with what's happening to you. You can't controal what's happening but you can control how you deal with it.

When a loved one is sick you have NO control. You don't know about all the discussions between their doctors and your loved one. You don't know how your loved one is feeling, truly, and how they are coping. You have no say in the decisions that have to be made about treatment options etc. It's the not having full knowledge & not having full control that makes you feel useless, helpless and inadequate. This then makes you feel emotionally drained as you have no outlet to rid yourself of negative feelings. You just worry!

I found the best way to feel stronger & more helpful to my mum was to tell her that she could talk to me about her deepest feelings & fears if she needed to. That I had faced a cancer diagnosis (twice) so I knew the feeling in the pit of the stomach & not wanting to talk to loved ones so I didn't worry them. If she couldn't share with my dad or brother, she always knew she could share with me. I couldn't take away what was happening but I could listen.

So accept you have no control over what's happening to your brother and tell him you are there if he needs to offload. I hope you feel a little stronger over the coming days & good luck to your brother,

Angie x