Hello RachelH,

I'm so sorry to hear about your father, please accept our sincere condolences.

Sadly many of our members are in a similar situation at the moment and I hope they will be along soon to offer their support and suggestions on how to cope after losing a parent to cancer.

If you feel that it might help have a look at this section from our website on coping with grief, you can read more about it here.

Best wishes,

Renata
Cancer Chat moderator

Hello, first I am so sorry for your loss, I understand first hand how this feels. 

my father died of pancreatic cancer and secondary liver cancer, he went from a healthy 15 stone 6'4 to under 8 stone. He was diagnosed on bonfire night and died the following Jan 8th 1999, my heart still breaks for him and I still miss him. I also had my wedding day without him my brother gave me away and we both cried all the way down the aisle. 

Four years this October I lost my step sister (of 20 years) to a brain tumour and two years ago this April my best friend to breast cancer. 

The loss is difficult to deal with and people often don't know how to cope with talking about it. However it is good to talk. Cruise bereavement are brilliant and also the local church might help with someone to talk to. Your family members will also miss him and sometimes we can icsolate ourselves thinking no one will understand as our relationship was unique to us.

You did the right thing messaging! There is no right or wrong way to grieve but the process is something we have to muddle through. When you miss him think of happy thoughts and memories. some people focus on raising money for charity and hospices that support cancer patients and use this as a positive anchor. 

I revisited places we visited together and grew things in my garden we used to grow together at the allotment when I was a child. I tried to do the things with my children that we did together to pass his traditions on and keep his memory alive. 

Its ts not only losing him it's going through the shock and trauma of the cancer too. I totally get it and am happy to keep in touch... 

Kind regards

Rebecca 

Dear rachelh

my thoughts are with you during this part of grieving.

i lost my dear dad 8months ago to unknown cancer , suspected primary in gall bladder or liver and like you, I felt that after a few weeks , everything seemed to go back to normal, where I dreaded people asking "how are you"? To not asking anymore, 

I accepted that unfortunately life does go on, but very slowly for the grieving, that is when I concentrated on making sure myself and my family put memories in place so we remembered dad, we created a dad memory box, placed a script in the crematorium book of remembrance,placed photos everywhere,  informed his beloved Fulham football club and even attend some matches in remembrance, i make sure I speak of my father in a presence tense as like to know he is with me in spirit. Take care

Hi RachelH I experienced exactly the same when my father died. I went back to work about a month later and it was as if nothing had happened I was back at work and just get on with it. My father died just before the Christmas the year of the millenium so you can imagine what it was like this huge event going on, everyone celebrating when we were so broken. You will find it hard over the next few weeks particularly as this will be your first Father's Day without him and it really hard to cope with. People talkImg about what they getting, doing for their dads. My dad has been gone now for 17 years and I still struggle about now. The important thing is to concentrate on remembering the good times with your dad and if you feel totally overwhelmed by anyone's comments a gentle reminder to them about your situation just might make them stop and think if only for  a while. You will get through to a point where you can function and the loss will decrease but it will never go away. Hopefully you husband is supportive, if so, let him help you by letting him know what you need. Sometimes a hug is the best thing and sometimes being left alone to cry is the best but remember he is not psychic and he loves you so he wants to help but you have to let him. Best wishes, Malcolm.

Thank you all for your kind words. It's so comforting just to have someone relate to how this stage feels like. Like you said, Rebecca, it's not just the grief it's the shock how quickly the cancer took him away and the trauma of seeing him deteriorate so quickly. 

I find grief can be really isolating, people not knowing what to say but also just forgetting that you might still be upset 9 weeks later. I'm having to be my mum's main source of support and I know it's selfish of me to say, but it's so hard listening to her talk about her feelings and how difficult she's finding it. I know people will say I should discuss my feelings with her but she never even asks how I'm feeling or how I'm coping. It feels like even she has completely forgotten that I've lost my Dad. And then all my friends ask me is how my Mum is coping and never about me. It would just be nice to be able to say to someone that actually I'm struggling now more than I did right after he died and seeing so many adverts for Fathers Day or hearing people discuss their plans is so painful. 

Hi,firstly I would like to say how sorry I am about your dad and can honestly relate to how painful it is to lose someone who you love so much.

my lovely,kind and beautiful mum died a few months ago after getting the all clear from a secondary brain tumour. We went through years of cancer treatment and worry and thought we had a brief spell of relief but obviously we were wrong. I am truely heartbroken but find the only way of moving on is to think of how she'd hate me to be miserable so I try and keep myself busy and have signed up for charity work in the hope that helping others with make me feel useful again.

i am determined to continue my mums legacy and be a good,kind and thoughtful person as she was and I hope she is looking on and feeling proud.

we have to find a way to cope no matter how hard it may seem. Big hugs to you my lovely xx