Hi Carin,

Sorry to read about your husband's diagnosis. I can understand your dilemma, this isn't easy news to tell anyone but much harder to tell a child. You need to tell your daughter soon, otherwise she is bound to find out by accident sooner or later. 

Both CRUK and MacMillan have some good guidance on this topic (see below)  but only you know your daughter well enough to know how much information she can cope with.

Best wishes

Dave

www.cancerresearchuk.org/.../talking-to-children

www.macmillan.org.uk/.../advice-on-talking-to-children-about-cancer.html

Hi Carin,

This must be incredibly difficult for you both. I am glad to hear that your husband is keeping well at present. As Dave has said, this is always a difficult one to call, but it has to be done sooner rather than later. As you said yourself, little people have big ears and can sense when something is amiss.

The sites Dave has mentioned have some useful advice. You don't have to say how sick Dad is yet. You will probably find that a simpler explanation will suffice. She will acept something like 'Daddy has a poorly head. He needs medicine to make him better and this can make him very tired and sick sometimes'

No doubt with a six year old, she will come back to you with a whole raft of searching qestions. Just answer them as honestly as you can. As your husband deteriorates she may become more aware of the seriousness of it all and start asking some very direct questions. By then you can agree that the medicine doesn't seem to be working as well as you'd hoped and that yes, he may die.

Children are very resiliant, but they are also very matter-of-fact. I had a two year old who was very close to her Great-gran when she died. My Daughter was really hurt and upset that we hadn't told her the gravity of the situation and didn't bring her to the funeral to say goodbye to her. I didn't keep anything from her when, a few years later, my own Mum succumbed to cancer. It was so much easier for all of us than it had been with Great-gran.

Please keep in touch and let us know how you get on. There is always someone here for you whenever you feel like talking.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Thank you both for your kind words and replies.  After much deliberation I've decided it is for the best if we tell  our daughter sooner rather than later.  I've looked up the sites that Dave has mentioned and they seem really useful and helpful- thank you.  I guess now we just need to find the right time to tell her (if there ever is one) I'm thinking after she's settled back into school. 

She knows Daddy has a poorly head and takes medicine and tablets and he can't drive because of it and she knows we have to go to hospital to speak to the doctor every now and then.

But we will deal with it like we have dealt with every other giant hurdle we seem to face.

Hi Caryn,

I feel for you.

This is never an easy thing to do, but you are not shirking your responsibility. The last thing you want is for her to hear about her Dad from a third party. I am glad that you found the sites that Dave recommended useful and hope that you find the right time to tell her, now that she is back at school.

I wish you all the best with this.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

We found to “be as open as possible” works for our 10 and 8 year old xx

Tell them as soon as. Answer all questions truthfully. No need to mention any detail, simply answer the questions asked and let the answers be as detailed as necessary. Say you don't know when you don't know. Discuss things freely with adults when the children are there, rather than save such discussions for private time but only when such discussions happen naturally. Don't make a special effort to discuss just because the kids are there.

The above is just my personal opinion and what I'd do/have done. Remember, I could be wrong.

Best Regards

Taff