It's been three years since my Mum died from metastatic breast cancer, and while I have moved through the grieving process fairly well, I'm just not sure what the point of living is anymore.
My Mum was my best friend. We talked every day, we were golfing partners, we loved to shop together... there was no one I would rather have hung out with. I have no family left. My dad died when I was 2. All my grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc are dead. I literally have no family at all.
My Mum was diagnosed when I was 33 and I spent the next 2 years dedicated to caring for her and helping her to battle this horrific disease. Then, she died and I spent the next three years working through the grief, dealing with my emotions, and trying to right my ship. I'm single, never married, and don't have kids. I had to put the brakes on my personal life when my Mum was diagnosed, and I simply haven't been in the right head space to meet someone since. This year, I thought it might be time to try, but of course 2020 has had other plans.
I do have friends, but they are all so preoccupied with their own lives, partners, kids, etc that I am an afterthought to them. I'm an outsider. Days or weeks could go by without me hearing from them and I know it's not personal, they are just busy with their own lives.
All of this is to say that I am so terribly lonely with my Mum being gone, and I feel like I've lost the better part of my 30's to cancer too. I feel like it's too late for me. I'm old now (39) and it's too late for me to start my own family. I just don't see the point to life when you have absolutely no family left. Friends and hobbies simply don't fill the hole that dead family leaves.
