Hey 

I recently just lost my dad he passed away on the 20th of June with lung cancer and brain mastatise (sorry my spelling is horrendous) dad got put on a morphine driver and died with heart failure me and my mum were outraged because we didn't no about the morphine driver along with how Mutch he deteriated he had passed away by the time we got to hospital but from my experience dad just looked like he was sleeping he didn't look in pain whatsoever I know now it's basicly a morphine overdose that's why he was in a coma like state but preveious weeks before hand my dad didn't mention any pain to me I think he was more scarred of the unknown than anything or he didn't want to be honestly and tell me all his pains but I could tell he had a lot of sore heads with the way he would pull a face thinking I didn't see him (I seen everything) the face he would make would look agonising I would just ask if he needed his ora morph a lot of time I would give him it or my mum would she was his full time carer before he was in hospital until he passed away . He was verry confused  and so distant from us in the end he was a bit paranoid also as if he had a touch of dementia but I know now that was both lung and brain cancer just taking a hold dad was 72 . He was extremely cold the past 2weeks before his death his legs especially Were swelt a lot his body was to heavy for his legs in dads words . They are so physically and emotionally drained that it is quite comforting knowing it's as if he went to sleep and in no pain it's just hard to come to terms with because I didn't get to say  goodbye and I would have been with him till the verry end I wouldn't have left his side if i knew about the driver and that he had deteriated bad I might have been able to cope a bit better or deal with my grief but I'm tormented by what if . it has been exactly 9 weeks since my dad passed and it's still as if I'm in shock or disbelief but deep down I'm just not ready to say my goodbyes or let go I don't no how to cope with my grief but a day at a time is all we can do some days are better than other and some days are harder than I ever imaged but our body's are programmed to get back up when weve been knocked down so one day at a time I hope you're coping and  I hope that you're mum isn't in pain and is in comfort the best she can be in seeing family dying in pain makes it harder for us to deal with 

thoughts are with you and you're mum 

take care

shelly 

Hi there,

So sorry to hear about your mum.  I lost my mum to secondary brain cancer in January of this year.  

My mum started with symptoms of an ear infection when her symptoms worsened she had an mri and was then told her liver cancer which had been controlled for eight years had progressed to her brain.  She passed away st home 10 weeks later.

Much depends on where the tumours are on the brain.  My mums eye sight and mobility was affected.  She was able to walk around our house and then progressed to a wheel chair.  She had seizures which were controlled.  She had periods of confusion.  She became really tired and couldn’t stop sleeping and eventually took to bed where she just slept away.  She wasn’t in pain till her final few days which is when she was given morphine.

The hardest part for me was watching my very active mum not being able to walk and basically becoming a shadow of herself.   It was the longest ten weeks of my life watching her suffer but when I look back it was only a short period of time.   There are days when you don’t know how you will cope but you do because you have too and you need to be there for your mum.  

I miss my mum every day but it does get easier.  

Im thinking of you.  Sharon xx

so sorry to hear this. my mom died June this year. my mom had secondary breast cancer it had spread to her spine pelvis and skull and membrane and some spotting on  the lungs. I was her carer as she come to live with me when she was ill and I stayed at the hospice with her in the last days until she died. she did have a syringe driver in the end before this she slowly lost her appetite and then the use of her hands. she started been sick and feeling unsettled and started saying  things that weren't her at all and had no concept of time. she had told the doctor a couple of times she had had enough now and wanted to go. she eventually spoke less and less and then it was just a nod or shake of her head a grown and then we went to the hospice where her drugs were monitored and topped up if needed. the only way you could tell if she needed pain relief was by her frowning. she died in her sleep, she looked peaceful when she went. it is never a nice experience to watch someone you love go through this. It is good she is in a hospice it is the best place to be. I hope this information helps you. I wish it could be more positive. i let her know i was there 24/7 by saying it's ok mom every i think 20 minutes and I would lie in bed making sure I could see if she was breathing but on the last day the rattle started and I knew it was coming. In the last few days she was cold and was going hard on her upper arms and her chest. you seem to be more prepared than me. I was told all these things and saw all these things happening but i was on auto pilot i think sorting everything out. it was a massive shock. my heart goes out to you it really does, just keep her as comfortable as you can and if she does become non responsive look at her face to see if she is in any discomfort and let the nurses know. let her know you are there. but for the time being share memories laugh at the funny ones and tell her everything you want to tell her, reassure her and love her. see if she wants to speak to the emotional support team too as my mom did as she didnt want to upset me with her worries. This was all In her last 10 days. progression of the illness came quite quickly xx

my thoughts are with you they really are. I'm so sorry you and your mom are going through this. xxx