Hi Lizworld, I am so sorry to hear about your mum. Would it be possible to give her milk type food supplements, some are like milkshakes or deserts like custard & cream which are high in calories. I wish there was something I could say to help. The only thing I can think of is that you can still talk to your mum about everything you would want to say. Cancer is draining, sleep helps. Wishing you all well & strength. Take care. 

Hi Lizworld,

Really sorry the holiday's not working out as planned.

I agree with Ballroom in terms of what to get your mum to eat, if she is struggling with solids then try liquid foods that are high in energy.  Much as it's difficult for her she does need to eat, there's no easy way around that.  I've been struggling a lot with food with this last bout of chemo, nothing has any taste, I fill up after hardly anything and my body seems to be rejecting everything I eat but unfortunately I have to keep persisting with it.  Is she getting fluids at least?

Does your mum already have an allocated nurse?  If so I would phone them (from Tenerife, I know, but needs must) and ask advice.  If she doesn't have one yet then I would really suggest contacting her GP.

She might still be okay to start chemo I have seen some pretty weak individuals be started on it so hopefully this won't mess with her treatment plan.

So gutted that this is happening when you should all be enjoying quality family time together.

Thinking of you,

LJx

Thank you LJ

mum does have a key worker so I will call he today.

mum seems to be ok with the porridge at breakfast... if only a little ... so I’ll see what else is at lunch , creamy desserts?

i was thinking of going to the pharmacy to buy build up type milkshakes?

thank you again x

Thank you.

i feel guilty on pushing for us all to attend this holiday , that we booked last year... we all thought it would do Mum the world of good.

She just seems to be giving up in front of our eyes??

The only thing that seems to be keeping me slightly sane is the fact that I did make sure she has the right travel/medical insurance.

My mum has had problems with eating in the past , due to extreme dieting... and struggling with depression and anxiety... she has been on meds for this for nearly 30 years!

im worried that im presuming that she is controlling what she is eating/drinking as she used to... as she feels so out of control with the cancer.... or is it the cancer????

Again thank you

feel like I have someone to talk to on here  x

Hi,

Sorry to read your post and like the others have said, fluids are probably the most important if Mum is finding eating difficult.  Hope you get some feedback from her key worker.  When my hubby's eating became poor we were advised to get high fat milky shakes (which he liked thankfully) and these can be made available in the UK on prescription as well as bought over the counter (Ensure is a brand I am aware off as my elderly Mum is now on these to boost her intake).  Once chemo had started my hubby did not enjoy food much as the taste was not the same and perhaps this is a prime cause for your Mum's feelings towards food.

You are doing your best to help her enjoy this special time but know how difficult it can be to adjust  your thoughts both as a carer and the patient when your are on palliative care treatments.   Hope you are getting support now.  Jules54

You might have hit the nail on the head given your mum's past experiences :(

Obviously it could also be the cancer but it wouldn't be surprising if your mum was trying to control her diet again given the lack of control we can feel with cancer.  I used to be anorexic so I understand.

Don't go feeling guilty.  We make decisions based on the best information we have at the time and that obviously was that a good family holiday would be beneficial.  That could so easily have turned out to be the case and you could have had no issues at all.  Most importantly you cannot change that decision so beating yourself up about it is just wasted negative emotion.

Are you able to speak openly with your mum to ask if she is controlling her food?  Also has she spoken about how she feels about her prognosis?

Thinking of you,

LJx

Hi,

We buy Resource for my hubby.  It is a Nestle product, He likes the wild berry flavour.  From research I've done it should be availble in the UK, not sure about in Teneriffe though.  Wishing you all the best.

Sue

Hi

Thanks for your message.

Yesterday I was convinced it was the cancer.... but she managed more food  at the hotel buffet last night so I was very pleased!.... but only a mouthful of watermelon this morning :-(

As a family we decided not to talk about the C word on this holiday ... but it’s got to the point where we have had to.

Mum does not want me to call her key worker but I will if need be.

All the replies I have received so far have been a great help and comfort.

i have asked mum if she would like me to get her and my dad a flight home early ( I’m just worried that she will get a lot worse before we are due to fly home next Tuesday - a week today!)

....but she has said that she does not want to fly home early, and her answer is “ I’m happy doing my own thing and if that doesn’t suit you all then that’s our problem not hers” 

I’m hoping she may have abit of lunch today...fingers crossed!

My mum isn’t a very talkative person and has been on meds for years for depression and anxiety which keep her very calm anyways and when she got told she had cancer... she did say that she wished she could have a scream and cry but she just is unable to show any real emotion so it is so hard to try and read how she is or what she is thinking???

This site has been wonderful... thank you x

Thank you for your reply.... will defo look into these on our return... my mum is very stubborn though and will only eat/drink what she wants.

:-(

Many thanks Sue for your reply.

All the best to you & yours x