How lovely ...put so heartfelt ... and so true ... never take a day or someone you love for granted ... and how true, she is seeing through your eyes .. l think she's smiling down on you, and very proud ... yes loosing someone is heartbraking but if we only look at those things with new eyes ... we learn to never take anything for granted again ... Chrissie

Hi there you just about summed up everything there sarha it realy changes us in my case i see couples arguing and being cruel and disrespectfull how some adult children dont bother withere mums and dads in my case partners i think if only you knew how lucky you are to have someone and one day. Theres a 50 / 50 chance they are going to go through this i think when your parants go we feel like orphans and it takes some of that happy carefree indestructable feelings we have with them that we cant can back and we feel vunerable for a while but sarha its only for a while i felt that way to when mum died and was much older  i had three kids a wife and a morgage and i was early 50s it flipping sucks thoe but we none of us have hindsight what perfect kids we would have been but how boring my grown up kids have argued done worrying stuff iive had to bail them out yet they know it all now lol but they still  but if anything happens to me they   come running but i love em just as much as if they had been perfect and i dont want them in pieces when i go hope they miss me a bit lol but i dont want them sat with there head in there hands i want to see them get out there and have a good life and not have to  worry even when ime gone and am sure my liz feels that way about me to so to me your doing ok i bet your  mums up there as proud as punch i would ive read your posts to me and otheres giving support and how youy have had to  deal with it allawithout much help your mum certainly did a good job with you as to me i look on people with kinder eyes now and like you i dont worry or get stressed by things anywhere like i did which is a plus dont you think  everyone worrys a lot about things that never happen i think we all get a bit of s.a.d this time of year which dosnt help but summers on its way at least that will help. best wishs .paul

Hi seraphine 

Thanks for your lovely post and yes I agree with what you say. I'm only 4 months down the line so I'm not quite where you are, wherever that is lol but I do try to be more appreciative of the people in my life especially my dad. I'm going through a really hard phase in my grief, feeling very sad and angry especially when I see daughters and mothers around my own age and mams age together going through the daily motions of life, if only they knew how lucky they are. I'm usually an optimist but I feel so hard done by and as if I'll never be happy again, that's just how I'm feeling and everyone I talk to tells me to give this time and I'll learn to accommodate it but I'm not sure I will as we were so entwined in each other's lives so I'm living half a life now.  I try not be envious of those people as I realise it could change in a heartbeat as it did for me but it still hurts so bad. 

In the meantime I enjoy her little signs and feeling her presence around me as I know they don't ever leave us and we'll meet again and in the meantime to honour her I need to try to somehow put my life back together and to appreciate life, both the good and the bad. 

Much love

Denise

Thanks Chrissie. It's hard, but really important not to take anyone for granted. Life is so short and precious. Hope you are doing well.

Thanks Paul. Yes, I think we all get stressed over small things. I still get annoyed by things that I shouldn't, but am really trying hard to be grateful for what I have. Sometimes it's a matter of perspective. It is a hard time of year for sure. I hope you are having a good new year so far. Sarah.

Hi Denise. I'm really sorry that you are struggling with your grief these days. It's hard. I don't quite get that same feeling when I see moms and daughters together. I get a small pang sometimes, when I see women older than me with their older mothers and kind of feel a bit cheated that she was taken from me while I'm still in my early 40's. But I realize that I'm still lucky that I had her for four decades. Many people don't get to have a mum as long as that. My mum and I hardly ever went out together either, as she had something similar to MS - so when I see mums and daughters together I don't feel like I can relate anyway.

I guess every mum and daughter relationship is completely unique. We weren't really entwined in each others life, exactly. We cared about each other, very much. But weren't able to communicate that to each other very easily, sadly. She told me she loved me a few days before she passed, and I don't think I'd heard her say that to me in several decades. But she showed me she loved me in many ways, so I never questioned it. But we weren't bossom buddies on the phone to each other every day. 

Hello Srapine 8 , it was 12 months on Jan 31st that we lost Mum to this awful disease...I can relate to much of what you say.  When Mum died I just wantd evrything to stop it was so painful.  Twelve months on I do feel like a changed person and only by losing your Mum can you feel this way. XX

I am sorry for your loss sweet heart, I can say to you it does get easier to live with as time goes on. My mother passed away 16 months ago, she was only 50 and had so much life left in her.  She was such a beautiful pure soul who loved and gave so much for her family.  There is a massive hole now, that will never fully heal. I too wish for one more hug, a phone call, another cuppa with my best friend.  You are still in your first year and getting past this is the hardest hurdle to cross. First anniversary, birthdays Christmas, mothers day.  They will be very emotional and sad for you.  The pain you are feeling now and sorrow is a testament to how much you loved your mother and how much she loved you.  As my mum said to me in her final weeks ' don't be sad forever, I want you to live your life and make the most of it with your family,  I love you all and I want to know you will be ok without me. She never chose to leave this world, there was nothing that could have been done. Our mothers would never want us to grieve forever, they want us to remember the good times with them and the cherished memories that you shared together.  You will never stop thinking about her and each year you will miss her.  But one day you won't wake up and feel that aching pain,  i promise you. You will get through this my dear.  God bless to all the mothers in heaven. Sending love x x x