Hi Lily,

Welcome to the Cancer Chat community and I'm sorry to hear about your diagnosis and the anxiety you are going through.

Hopefully talking to our members who have been in similar positions will help to ease your anxiety and you can also have a chat with one of our cancer nurses for some words of advice. You can give them a call on 0808 800 4040. The phone lines are Monday - Friday between 9a.m - 5p.m.

Kind Regards

Matt Cancer Chat Moderator 

Cancer is so cruel and you have been through so much, I wish I could give you a big hug.

Since my diagnosis I have found that keeping busy and being around people really helps keep me distracted and picks me up when I am feeling down. I have continued to work full time and going to the office reminds me that I am not the only person having a hard time at the moment. At the weekends or the days I work from home I make sure I get out of the house for some fresh air and human contact. Usually I just walk through the park and stroke a couple of dogs or go to my local Costa for a coffee. It is surprising how chatting to a complete stranger about something unimportant like the weather makes you feel normal again. 

At night or when the 3am blues hit, I either put on some cheesy 80s music and dance around the house or I just stroke my kitties, listen to them purr and feel thankful that my pain has gone and they can sit on me again. 

It's so easy for cancer to take over our lives and I think sometimes we need to remind ourselves of who we were before the cancer struck then ask ourselves how we can get back to (or as close to) being that person again. 

There are many people on this forum who understand how you are feeling so don't feel alone with all this and you are more than welcome to private message me if you ever need a chat.

Take care and I hope all goes well with the radiotherapy 

Georgina 

Thank you Georgina,

I'm just finding it getting worse with time,I'm seeing a counselor and I've told him,I feel paralyzed with total fear, I can not leave the house without a massive panic attack,and I know no one can fix this only me,I just don't know how,the thoughts of radiotherapy has me terrified,but what can I do only go through it,thanks for replying to this,

Angie!

Thanks Matt.

Ange!

Hello Lily 

your post touched my heart. I obviously don’t know how it feels to be you, but I know how cancer has knocked me for six. It puts most of us in a frightening and lonely place. I know my confidence and the joy I used to take from the little things have both taken a severe knock. 

Like others have already said I think, I too find it helpful to be out with people and try and communicate on the simplest of levels. It’s also helpful to talk to a person about the loneliness of this awful disease. To speak of our fears. Somehow to voice them makes it easier to live with. 

The nights are the hardest time (for me). I am often on here checking out what other people are doing. How they manage this utterly awful time. People are generally kind/helpful. Reach out when and where you can. Honestly I feel it’s worth the risk. 

I send you the warmest wishes.  Take heart. I am starting my second week of radiotherapy tomorrow. I have breast cancer which is likely easier to manage than your situation. However just to say everyone is very kind/supportive within the treatment process.  I don’t feel hurried or feeble when I show I am nervous. I have always been met with understanding as you will be.

Go well  Feel free to private message me anytime. 

Kebbs x 

Hi Angie,

How are you doing today? I am thinking of you. Right now I am wishing with all my heart that you are feeling alright and coping.

This might not be helpful to you,  but for the last few days I have been thinking about how every day, everything around us, is full of tiny nice things that we never appreciate when we are well, but those in our situation know that time is likely to be short, so we appreciate them more. I suppose it's the same thing as Georgina being happy that her cats can sit on her again! This mindset is helping me at the moment ( I am using it to try not to fear my scan on March 4th when we'll see if I have disease progression or not ) 
This no doubt sounds like a well worn philosophy for people with incurable disease, but I'm doing what I can to help you. Tell me to shut up by all means!! 
Do you think the counselling is helping? It's good that you are seeing someone and can just let out your fears.
Anyway, try not to fear the radiotherapy. It is going to give you more time and everyone will be kind and sensitive. I hope what Kebbs said about her experience is reassuring. 
The sun has come out in my garden just now and I'm sending you a big hug.

Joy xx

Thank you so much for your kind words and advice, yes I agree the nights are the worst,

I'm crying constantly,I don't know if I have the strength to try fight this or just give up,I'm so lost and alone with this monster,ilmadd you as friend,x

Hi Lily,

you know I really do get that ‘fight or flight’ feeling. I suspect we all feel desperate at times. Certainly I feel  alone and scared witless at certain times. Some days are worse than others but I think on balance I come through each day reasonably in tact.  There’s no law against not doing so though. No law that  states you have to be ‘positive’!! People mean well telling us to ‘stay pisitive’ but at times it’s too much and too hard to keep smiling on. 

On such days be kind to yourself. Is there any special person who you feel you can trust? It doesn’t need to be a close relationship. In fact one person I talk to is quite new in my life. Also your local surgery will likely know of a cancer centre which could also be a place to reach out to.  

We all need others very much right now so it’s really worth seeking a supportive place for the tougher days. Well for the better days too.  Our stories will help others even though we often dismiss this.  We all have a story to tell and one worth listening too. We learn so much from one another. 

Sleep tight  

Kebb  x

Thank you so much joy,

I need to find something to grab my attention as I seem to be looking at the same 4 walls since diagnosed,I'm so worn out with worry, constant fear and panic,thanks for the hug,much needed,I don't ask too many questions on treatment'snive had or am going to have as my Anxiety is through the roof,

I've just learned from yours and kebabs post that I'm incurable,kind of shocked to be honest,like I said I don't ask questions,aw well,what can I do eh,

Angie,x

I've learned a bit more tonight from your post and anotherspring post that I didn't know,like I just replied to her,what can I do eh,just shocked and stupid I suppose,that's what I get for hotnasking questions,

Angie,x