I am so deeply sorry for what you are going through, personally I would say it is shock. Losing your other half is earth shattering, your whole world is changed forever and thats not something thats quickly accepted nor grieved. I lost my partner last year (Covid) and had to watch him slip away over a phonecall....he werent even put into a coma. Its been little over a year for me and I still struggle daily. My heart goes out to you, I hope you are blanketed in pure love from those around you now and in the coming months (even if its just a phonecall).

Please be very gentle with yourself and take it minute by minute if you need to, remember to look after yourself too.... I hope you are doing ok with Covid? x

Hi

Thank you for replying to my post.  I am so sorry about the loss of your partner and the fact that you couldn't be with him physically. It must make his loss even harder to bear if that is possible. I hope your daily struggle becomes easier with time.

I was with Ian at the end but didn't really register what was happening. My sister and daughter were with me but I couldn't  cry. I just stroked his head and said goodbye. My sister kept saying you're in shock but I felt nothing. I had to drive us home   ( a thirty minute journey), and we sat in the car in silence.....

As to my encounter with COVID, luckily my symptoms are mild.

Take care of yourself 

Thankyou, It all seemed just surreal really and took me a while to genuinely believe it had all happened but the way it happened werent "normal" in any case...very very hard to accept and process but Im slowly getting there.

How are you doing in yourself? Im glad your daughter & sister could be with you and Ian in them moments. Have you got support around you even for general things? I found the first few months very foggy and my memory was terrible. I would walk around a supermarket with my basket but not know why I was even there and left without a single item.

Itl take time to fully register everything I think, but it does get easier with time (something I never thought I would be able to say). Bereavement is a very individual period to go through, just knowing your loved ones are behind you does help. I get comfort knowing my partner was blanketed in nothing but the purest love as he went & spent the rest of his life with me. I could remind him of some very precious memories we made & how deeply loved he was and always will be, and knowing he would no longer be in any more pain. I do hope you can find comfort from being able to stroke Ians hair and gently talk to him, simply being together.

Im pleased your symptoms are mild, please take care...Im always happy to chat if you would like x

HI Trixie,

A very warm welcome to our forum, although I'm so sorry to hear why you're here,  My sincere condolences on the loss of your husband. The loss of a loved one is always particularly difficult to cope with, but even more so when he didn't even get to live anywhere near to his predicted time. At best a prognosis is just a 'guesstimate' of how long we have left, but somehow or other we always feel cheated when we pass sooner than expected. We lost my father-in-law within 5 days of diagnosis in 2019. This was just months after his wife died and weeks before his youngest son was found dead in bed.

There are a number of different stages to grief and, I can fully understand why you find it so hard to accept that he has gone. Grief affects us all in different ways and everyone deals with it in his own way. You have had a terrible shock and this is all still very recent. It sounds as if you haven't accepted what has happened yet and, I wouldn't expect this to happen for some time yet. I am sglad to hear that your are crying most nights, as this can help to relieve some of the stress.

Do you have a family member or friend who you can talk to about how you feel? I am sorry to hear that you have caught Covid on top of all this - it's no wonder that you are feeling numb. I am glad to hear that this doesn't appear to be too debilitating. It sounds as if you are suffering from both shock and grief. Be kind to yourself and give yourself some time to come to terms with all that has happened. Unfortunately, this will take as long as it takes.

I am thinking of you and am always here for you if ever you want to talk.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hello [@Trixie1]‍ 

Firstly, I am very sorry to hear about your husband - it's just a terrible thing. My mum died from pancreatic cancer in April after an 'out-of-the-blue' diagnosis in March, so I know what you are going through. I think you probably are still in shock and a month is nothing. It's very tough to cope when cancer kills so quickly. I was in completely shock when my mum was diagnosed, and that shock stayed with me for about 2 months after her death. One of the worst parts was definitely the funeral - it was surreal and overwhelming - it felt like it was someone else and not my mum - how could it be?

There is no time limit on how long you will grieve, and the stages you will go through - we are all different.

I still struggle tremendously.

Take care.

Hello [@Trixie1]‍ 

I'm so sorry to hear about your husband, having such a unexpected cancer diagnosis feels like you're just trying to catch your breath most of the day. 

My mum had a very unexpected cancer diagnosis in January and passed away 6 weeks later. It was, and still is the most challenging times of my life. I feel like I'm just trying to get through the day most of the time. It sounds like a the numb feeling is just your brain trying to protect yourself, and there's absolutely no right or wrong way to grieve. 

I hope you have a lot of support around you, take people up when they offer as you deserve it. The people of this forum are absolutely incredible, and they do understand what you're going through. 

Sending you lots of love and strength xxx

Hi Trixie1 sorry to tell you my dear girl but you will be in shock for some time. Then grief will come then why me? Anger rage loneliness . All this is normal ,people will say it gets better it does but you won't believe it yet.Time is a great healer, people on these sites can help you get through it.I lost my husband in May 2020 after 53 years of marriage. I wanted too die I couldn't bear to face life without him. He was ill for 5 years with lots of different illnesses and died with 5 of his organs giving in. He had dementia for 8 month before that it broke my heart but he still knew me and told me he loved me every day.You will be stronger than you think take every day at a time talk to him thump a pillow and shout it all helps. Sorting things out is quite daunting but has to be done you will have a list . Keep on the forum plenty will guide you.Take comfort from friends and family.Get a tee shirt or sweatshirt of Ian's and put some after shave loistion on it and cuddle it in bed. Take care my dear girl and post me anytime big hugs xx

Thank you to everyone who has replied to my posts.

It does help to know that I am not alone and  that everyone grieves in different ways.

I am still in self isolation as I caught Covid from a family member. Luckily my symptoms are mild and I can't wait to be 'out' and able to visit Ian's favourite river walk.

Take care everyone and stay safe.....

Hi Alwaysaworrier

Thank you for your offer of being happy to chat.  It's now just over seven weeks since Ian died and I'm not coping as well as I was, Why is this?  I cry at the slightest memory and the future fills me with dread. My daughter will be leaving in a week and then I will be on my own for the first time. 
 

Take care

Julie

Hi Julie, I have sent you a friend request so we can chat further if you are happy to accept. I hope your Covid symptoms have eased? The way you have described your memorys making you cry and how you feel towards the future sounds very much like the feelings I experienced (it does ease i promise)....I still cry at memories but not as much as I used to and I still struggle with the thought of a future without my partner but somehow Im doing it, I know hes always around me and safely tucked in my heart. Its so so very early days for you and raw, be gentle with yourself. 

Havw you got family or friends close by that could pop by to see you? If things get a bit overwhelming, thats ok...go at a pace you feel you can manage. Where is your daughter off to? Remember you have got everyone here to chat to, myself included. Please know your never alone <3 x