I don’t even know how to start. 

My partner was diagnosed with Acute Myeloid Leukaemia 18 months ago. Whilst battling that, he has had a splenic tumour, 2 melanomas and a spread to his lymph nodes, all of which he has beaten. 

Today he went in for his routine chemotherapy to be told his leukaemia is not responding any more and that we have exhausted the conventional routes of treatment. He has been given 3 to 5 years. They haven’t ruled out clinical trials, but don’t appear to be overly optimistic. 

My partner is 33. I’m 26 and have a 4 year old daughter from a previous relationship. I feel like our life together has only just begun and I feel like I’m faced with a time limit I never knew we’d have. 

People keep asking if I’m ok. I’m not. They keep asking if there’s anything they can do. There isn’t. 

How do you carry on the day to day? How do you lead some semblance of a normal life when everyone else’s normal is a lifetime together? How do I deal with this with my 4 year old? How do I handle that I’ll have lost my partner by the time I’m 30?

I don’t expect anyone to have the answers. I just needed them written down. 

Cancer is so incredibly cruel.