Hi. This is long and I do apologise for that. 

So basically, last December, I stepped awkwardly off a kerb and felt a popping sensation in my left groin. I thought I'd just pulled a muscle and didn't think anything of it.

A couple of months later, I couldn't go to work because I could barely walk so I got a Dr's appointment. I gave him a description of the pain (in my groin at the front) and he gave me painkillers and I was sent on my way. After 2 weeks off work, my leg did actually start to feel better.

A few months later, the pain was back and it was worse than it had ever been. Back to the doctor. This time, I was given painkillers and pain relieving gel but nothing was working. I went back to the doctor again. This time I was given a physical examination and she told me she thinks I've damaged my tendon based on the limited movements my leg could do and referred me to physio. This was in August and I was signed off work again.

I had to go back to the doctor again, around 3 weeks ago for something else (swollen abdomen on left side, rapid weight loss etc). He examined me, took some blood samples, said he'd refer me to orthopaedics and I was sent on my way. He called me the following Monday and told me he ran a CA125 test and it had came back as having high levels in my blood, said what it could be and told me he was referring me to gynaecology to get an ultrasound, which is next Tuesday.

My orthopaedic appointment was Thursday just gone. And it's not good. He examined me, seen what limited movement I have in my left leg and how much muscle its lost, seen what my mobility is like and I was taken for x-rays. I was then told it isn't good news. He said it's definitely cancer but they weren't sure where exactly but they are pretty confident it's bone cancer. I'm waiting to be contacted re appointments for a biopsy and other things. I didn't ask any questions. I was just struck dumb. He asked if I understood and I nodded. He left and I just broke down. Thankfully, I had my ex partner with me (the father of my daughters and now who I'd call one of my best friends) and he was, and still is, so supportive. I'm 39 and my beautiful daughters are 19 and 14. Telling them was the worst thing I've ever had to do.

Apart from that, I'm dreading my gynaecology appointment. Worried about what they'll find. Did the bone cancer spread to my ovaries? Can I fight all of this? How much longer do myself and my kids have together? Do I even have the strength to fight? I'm in pain 24/7, not going out (I've been off work since August and have barely left the house) and I can't sleep properly.

I'm just absolutely terrified.