Hi Brian, 

What a lovely post - thank you very much for your kind words! 

You're absolutely right, it can be such an emotional time if you've been bereaved or are coming to terms with your own illness. We're here to listen if and when people need us, and we're very grateful to stalwart members such as yourself, who take the time to support others here, too.

I do hope you and your family have a good Christmas, and that you're able to share some happy memories together.

All the very best,

Helen
Cancer Chat moderator

Hi Brian 

Thank you for your kind words, I lost my husband in may after a 12 month battle with cancer & although I have had wonderful family & friends around me, I have found Christmas & new year very emotional, my mood has been very up & down, I miss him so much, & like to talk about Dave,  but sometimes I can see from faces that they find it uncomfortable,, but to me we had many years together, so it is natural to talk about shared experiences, I wish people were more understanding with grief. 

I hope you & your family have a good new year x

                                         Belle 

Hi Belle,

Thank you for your reply and your kind words.

I too find people dont understand how to act when a relative or friend has lost a loved one. It is almost like they feel we should forget them which is totally unreasonable. The problem is until you have been through that experiance personally, it is difficult for others to understand. But in fairness I have to say it doesnt mean they dont care ; it more the fact they dont know how to respond

Of course you want to talk about him for he was such a big part of your life. Talking about your loss and how it affects you is a big part of the grieving and also the healing process. We cant just wipe all memory of them out of our lives. Nor should we. 

If I were in your shoes, I would say to them, "Look, I know you may feel uncomfortable about me talking about my loss, but it helps me to talk about my husband". 

I have not lost a partner like you have but I have lost 12 members of mine and my wifes family and we have always felt free to talk about them and what they meant to un and it does help.,

I wish you all the best and anytime you want to talk on here, there are lots of great people who will reply.

Take care, Brian 

Hi Belle

Like Brian (who has been of great support to me), I too have very mixed emotions about this time of year. It will be 3 years this week since I lost my hubby and to be honest not a day goes by when he does not pop into my thoughts and yes I still shed tears on occasion.  Brian is pretty spot on when he says some people just find it hard to know how to respond when we talk about those we have lost.  This forum certainly gave me a place to share my thoughts when  I felt it was better not to burden others (especially family who were travelling their own grief journey).  With time passing as a family we openly chat about my hubby(dad/granddad/friend to others) and I did tell a few people that it helped me to do so.  They seemed surprised as thought it would cause me more upset  but I love to remember the good times as know we were lucky to have them.

I was fortunate to spend Christmas with my children/grandchildren but choose to spend New Year peacefully and quietly by myself.  We all have our own preferences but sometimes others need to hear them to help them understand.

As Brian has said I hope you feel able to chat on the forum as and when you might need to. There are many understanding people or read and/or respond and to them I will always be grateful.

Look after yourself.  Jules54

Hi Brian,

Just spotted this thread and thank you for saying what I am sure so many of us who use the forum feel. I would like to add my thanks to the Moderators and all those who make it work so well.

May I wish everyone a peaceful New Year.  Jules

Hi Brian,

What a wonderful message.

I'm almost done with cycle 1 of chemo and doing OK (after 10 rough days). 

Wishing you a happy 2018 and thank you for all of the replies and support you've provided to me.

Emily x

Hi Emily,

Thank you for your kind words and the same sentiments returned to you.

I hope your next lot of chemo goes better for you. We allhelp each other which is what life is about as far as I am concerned.

Take care, and best wishes, Brian.

Hi Emily,

My husband is stating chemo next week, and I wonder if you could just adcise me about

how  it goes, based on your experience? Do you have tostay in and avoid going out in case you come in contact with someone who has a cold etc?

Hi jai

I hope you do not mind my replying to your post.  Though it is a some time since we faced the chemo journey and some things will probably have changed a bit, though I would just throw a little light on to my hubby's first visit.  We arrived for the appointment and already knew it would be a whole day spent on the day ward for his infusion.  Once all checked out ok (results of bloods taken beforehand) he was settled into his chair for the day.  I had gone with him for this visit.  He was fine throughout, though bored so suggest taking book/music etc to keep yourselves amused.  He was able to walk about (attached to equipment) and we did go to the on site cafe for refreshments. Once treatment ended he drove us home.  I am sure your husband's medical team will give you all the necessary information required as you go along plus probably some reading material to take away with you.  Everyone reacts differently so it is a case of just waiting to see how treatment effects him and we had a telephone number to ring if we had any concerns/questions at all.  My hubby even worked in between his first few couple of sessions and continued to drive and go out and about as usual when he felt ok.

Hope your husband's appointment goes well and if you have questions my best advice would be to write them down and take them with you because the best answers will come from those treating him.

All the very best.  Jules54

Hi Jules,

Thank you so much for your advice. Our MacMillan nurse came today, and she has fully updated us on the procedure and effects. Luckily we are retired, so no work problems!

I hope that your husband is now well.

Many thanks again

Jai