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To everyone on this site

22 Dec 2017 08:32

Hi friends

 I know there are many people on here suffering the effects of cancer, some directly and some with relatives who have cancer and many more suffering from the loss of a loved one. I know many of you are not looking forward to Christmas or knowing you will not be able to enjoy it as it used to be. It always seems worse at this time of year and I know some of us see other people enjoying this time of year and we cant help but feel a little enviouse. I lost my mother just after Christmas a few years ago and two years ago I lost my father just before Christmas. Even though It will never feel quite the same again, I know they would want me to enjoy this time of year and I feel most of your relative would feel the same So I will try to enjoy myself even though it will be a subjude enjoyment.

I would also like to thank everyone for the shared help that they have given over the past few months. Also I would like to thank our wonderful moderaters and nurses and all the behind the scenes personel who help keep this forun running for all they do during the year.

I will be thinking of you all over the holiday period and wish you all the best time you can have, Brian 

 

Re: To everyone on this site

23 Dec 2017 14:45 in response to woodworm

Hi Brian, 

What a lovely post - thank you very much for your kind words! 

You're absolutely right, it can be such an emotional time if you've been bereaved or are coming to terms with your own illness. We're here to listen if and when people need us, and we're very grateful to stalwart members such as yourself, who take the time to support others here, too.

I do hope you and your family have a good Christmas, and that you're able to share some happy memories together.

All the very best,

Helen
Cancer Chat moderator

Re: To everyone on this site

1 Jan 2018 01:54 in response to woodworm

Hi Brian 

Thank you for your kind words, I lost my husband in may after a 12 month battle with cancer & although I have had wonderful family & friends around me, I have found Christmas & new year very emotional, my mood has been very up & down, I miss him so much, & like to talk about Dave,  but sometimes I can see from faces that they find it uncomfortable,, but to me we had many years together, so it is natural to talk about shared experiences, I wish people were more understanding with grief. 

I hope you & your family have a good new year x

                                         Belle 

Re: To everyone on this site

1 Jan 2018 08:44 in response to Belle99

Hi Belle,

Thank you for your reply and your kind words.

I too find people dont understand how to act when a relative or friend has lost a loved one. It is almost like they feel we should forget them which is totally unreasonable. The problem is until you have been through that experiance personally, it is difficult for others to understand. But in fairness I have to say it doesnt mean they dont care ; it more the fact they dont know how to respond

Of course you want to talk about him for he was such a big part of your life. Talking about your loss and how it affects you is a big part of the grieving and also the healing process. We cant just wipe all memory of them out of our lives. Nor should we. 

If I were in your shoes, I would say to them, "Look, I know you may feel uncomfortable about me talking about my loss, but it helps me to talk about my husband". 

I have not lost a partner like you have but I have lost 12 members of mine and my wifes family and we have always felt free to talk about them and what they meant to un and it does help.,

I wish you all the best and anytime you want to talk on here, there are lots of great people who will reply.

Take care, Brian 

Re: To everyone on this site

1 Jan 2018 15:53 in response to Belle99

Hi Belle

Like Brian (who has been of great support to me), I too have very mixed emotions about this time of year. It will be 3 years this week since I lost my hubby and to be honest not a day goes by when he does not pop into my thoughts and yes I still shed tears on occasion.  Brian is pretty spot on when he says some people just find it hard to know how to respond when we talk about those we have lost.  This forum certainly gave me a place to share my thoughts when  I felt it was better not to burden others (especially family who were travelling their own grief journey).  With time passing as a family we openly chat about my hubby(dad/granddad/friend to others) and I did tell a few people that it helped me to do so.  They seemed surprised as thought it would cause me more upset  but I love to remember the good times as know we were lucky to have them.

I was fortunate to spend Christmas with my children/grandchildren but choose to spend New Year peacefully and quietly by myself.  We all have our own preferences but sometimes others need to hear them to help them understand.

As Brian has said I hope you feel able to chat on the forum as and when you might need to. There are many understanding people or read and/or respond and to them I will always be grateful.

Look after yourself.  Jules54

Re: To everyone on this site

1 Jan 2018 15:55 in response to woodworm

Hi Brian,

Just spotted this thread and thank you for saying what I am sure so many of us who use the forum feel. I would like to add my thanks to the Moderators and all those who make it work so well.

May I wish everyone a peaceful New Year.  Jules

Re: To everyone on this site

2 Jan 2018 15:18 in response to woodworm

Hi Brian,

What a wonderful message.

I'm almost done with cycle 1 of chemo and doing OK (after 10 rough days). 

Wishing you a happy 2018 and thank you for all of the replies and support you've provided to me.

Emily x

Re: To everyone on this site

3 Jan 2018 10:38 in response to EmilyS

Hi Emily,

Thank you for your kind words and the same sentiments returned to you.

I hope your next lot of chemo goes better for you. We allhelp each other which is what life is about as far as I am concerned.

Take care, and best wishes, Brian.