Hello everybody, 

I am not sure what brought me to this forum, but I really don't know who to talk too anymore. 

I will not bore you with too much detail, but paint you a quick picture. I was a normal healthy young man enjoying gym and doing bodybuilding a year ago. I weighed 95kg, but in July of 2018 my life took a turn for the worst and my weight went down to 58kg. It all started out as a mild discomfort under my left clavicle on my chest wall. When I touched the area, I could clearly feel a small lump but thought nothing of it and ignored it. Over the following months I started experiencing the most debilitating symptoms. I have a sensation that I am drowning and find myself gasping for air day and night. I have repeatedly consulted with my GP since October 2018 who thinks it is all just in my head and she will not listen to me or refer me. I've changed GP twice, and just cannot get any help.

The lump has been progressively growing since last year, and a second lump has become visible next to the first. I am so worn out by the sensation of lacking air, that it has taken over my life and I have been unable to function in my job and have been off work for 7 months now. 

I have seen the orthopaedic team and they did a CT scan of my left clavicle bone above the lump as my clavicle bone is depressed. The CT scan did not show a problem with the bone.

The orthopaedics treated the lump as a simple inflammation of the cartilage, but I have used anti-inflammatory creams and drugs with no relief. When I told the orthopaedics that I have no improvement, they told me that they don't deal with soft tissue problems and discharged me back to my GP who referred me for physio therapy. The physiotherapist discharged me as he was reluctant to touch the lump due to the symptoms that exacerbates upon touching. I have exhausted all my resources to go private as I have been off work with no income for 7 months and I think I am going to die.

My symptoms are as follows: 

A severe sensation of drowning / air hunger 
Heart Arrhythmia that worsens depending on my position
Pain and discomfort around the lump that's varies in severity 
Hoarseness
When the lump gets pushed, it sends a jolt into the left side of my throat and tongue. 
A sticky wet noise at the lump when moving my shoulder, but only on the left side 
A trembling vibrating throbbing beneath the lump when I lie down
Continuous metal taste in my mouth
Chronic malaise 

 
I have been telling my GP that a lump out of nowhere cannot be normal and have asked for a biopsy or an MRI of the lump but all my requests have been denied. 

I am contemplating assisted suicide because I cannot get help and unfortunately I do not have any parents to help me either, I am being drugged by my doctors with Valium and Citalopram that I cannot even think straight anymore, and have no more funds to go private.. I think I've given up. 

Thank you for listening. 

Karl