Hi there Woodworm,

I just wanted to say a big " Hear Hear !!!" Well said !

Marian x

Thank you Brian for those kind words. Your description of Cancer Chat is exactly what we are all working to achieve, a welcoming friendly community where anyone affected by cancer can come and talk in confidence with others. Welcome to the family

Sarah

Hi Brian (Woodworm),

I have recently joined this site and I came across some of your posts offering advice to others.  I then clicked on your profile and read the description about your battle with cancer (possibly a bit nosey of me!)  I would just like to say that I have found you and your posts/advice very inspirational.

My dad has been diagnosed with terminal stomach cancer, and since I am only 21 I am struggling to cope with the news.  He is currently undergoing chemotherapy to prolong life, which has so far been successful in preventing any growth, yet he is being to deteriorate in himself.

I'm very sorry to hear about your battle with cancer, and the number of family losses you have experienced. My mum was diagnosed with cancer when I was five (however she is fine now), my nan also had cancer and my biological dad died from cancer when I was a baby. It is an awful disease.

I would just like to say thank you for your thoughtful comments and I hope you are doing well :)

Hi Stardust,

Welcome to this friendly forum allthough I am sorry to read your reasons for joining. And thank you for your very kind words which are much appreciated.

When one of our close family members has cancer, it is a life changing experiance for all the family. I can fully understand what you say about struggling to cope. Having both had cancer and having had family members who have had it also, I must say I found it far harder to cope when it was a family member. For their sake, you try to show a brave face and make out your okay but the reality is so far from the truth. To see my mother slowly deteriat and not feel able to do anything made me feel so helpless. When I was young and ill it was alway she who made me better and when it was my turn not to be able to help made me feel so bad. As you say, Cancer is an awful disease.

All I can say to you is, try and make as many happy memories with your dad as you can for they do help later on. Thats how I deal with the times when I feel low. Luckily I have many happy memories I can draw on. But even though my mother passed several years ago, there are times when I say or do things and I realize thats just what she would have said or done. I do firmly belive when we lose a mother or father, a part of them remains inside of us for they have over the years helped shape the person who we have become.

I would just like to add, having had the cancer myself has made me a more caring person and I appreciate the little things in life we all take so much for granted. Little things like seeing the wild flowers, hearing birds singing, children laughing ect. I am hapier now than ever before and am determined to enjoy my life and if I can help others I will do so if I can. 

Anytime you feel the need to talk or even rant, please come on here as its far better than bottling up those pent up emotions that happen at time like you are facing. It does help to talk.

I wish you, your father and mother all the best and am sending kind thoughts and best wishes your way, Brian.

Hi Brian,

Thank you for your much appreciated kind words.

Many people agree with you and say it is harder to see a family member suffer the awful disease than to have it yourself.  My dad often says that it is much worse for me and my mum than it is for him.  Thank you for your advice, we are planning numerous trips for the three of us to go on over the summer, if he is well enough.  At the moment he is undergoing chemotherapy and is struggling to eat, and is therefore losing weight.  However he is just getting over his last chemo session so fingers crossed his weight will start to improve a little.  

I agree it is so important to make happy memories whilst we can, since we don't know how long we have left until he starts to really deteriorate.  I am lucky that he is so positive and accepting of the situation; it would be so much more difficult if he was constantly upset or negative.  I'm not sure how he does it, but somehow he still seems the strongest out of the three of us (my mum, dad and I).

Thank you again for your lovely message, I'm so glad you are doing well.

Many best wishes to you and your family, Stardust

Hi Stardust,

I love this name; it has a little bit of magic about it.

Thanks for your lovely reply. You are so obviously a loving daughter; something I regret i wasnt able to have.  Both my wife and I would have loved to have had a daughter. My wife and most of my family have only had one child and its always been a boy.

I am glad your dad is dealing with it well as I feel it does make a difference. I was much the same and told everyone I was going to beat it. I just felt I would, dont ask me why for I couldnt explain.

When you first hear those words "It's cancer", you imediately think and fear the worst. But as someone said tome, its a big wake up call. I quickly realized how much I had in my life to be thankful for. I recieved briliant treatment from all levels of the NHS and reading stories on here makes me realize just how lucky I have been to make the good recovery I have. I have been on this forum nearly four years now and havemade the aquantance of some wonderful people. Some stories I've read I'm not ashamed to admit have brought tears to my eyes while others have been both inspiring and amazing. I am so glad I found this site.

I hope once the side effect of chemo wears off your dad will start to feel better. Sending best wishes and kind thoughts to you, and your mum and dad, Brian.

Hi Brian,

Thank you, I'm not sure how I thought of it but it does bring some light I think.

Thank you for your reply, that's so kind of you to say. I have quite a small family so I think in a way it brings you closer, and I definitely do feel very close to my mum and dad.

Yes it does help an awful lot that he is so positive, he thinks in a very black and white way so to speak, and has accepted the facts and realised he has to deal with it.  My mum is the opposite and constantly worries, but she is coping well considering.  My biological dad died of cancer when I was 2, and my mum had cancer when I was five (she is fine now), and I think for her the thought of going through it all again with my dad was overwhelming.

That's brilliant that you have been on this forum for almost four years; the fact you have continued to offer such good advice is lovely. Even in my short time of being on this forum I too have read many upsetting stories.  I find myself thinking 'there is always someone else worse off'. 

Thank you, he is starting to pick up now which is great, I just hope he continues to feel better.  Best wishes to you and your wife :)

Hi Stardust,

So pleased to hear your dad is improving. I have do doubt there will be good days and not so good days in the future; a lot of people say they just take it as it comes one day at a time. Hopefully there will be more good days than bad.

Sorry to read you biological dad died when you were so young and then your mother also had it too. Your cancer experiances started early in your life.  I can understand why your mum worries more.

Thanks for your kind words, best wishes to you and your family, Brian.

Hi Brian,

Just thought I would let you know that my dad passed away peacefully on 26th June.  He was in hospital with my mum beside him, and he was in no pain.  I was devastated however I'm beginning to come to terms with it now, and learn to live with the loss.

I hope you are doing well, best wishes to you and your wife :)

Hi Stardust14,

I am so sorry to learn of your Dad's passing - my thoughts are with you and all those that knew and loved him.

Take care. X