Hi kathy wellcome sorry late reply ime so sorry i lost the my liz nearly 18 months ago its a pain we dont think possible .but dont worry you being this way is how it is just go along with how you feel  please stop telling people you are ok because your not as the world goes back to normal and you dont but just hang on take one day at a time it will get eisier i know you dont think so now the type of grief we suffer is diffrent its much lonelier road to travel .have you thought have counciling it can realy help but you have to stick at it because that hour a week can be a lifeline the local hospices are best if you ring them its nhs and they expeiance this every day you can chat about you partner rant about things cry you name it and there there for you alone no one else go and visit friends family anyone just to keep you going theres allso bereavemant groups maybe near you and if your realy struggaling theres tour gp they can help but book a double appointment theres an interesting post from sarapine8 its called seeing sighns after loss you may find it a comfort theres 77 replys on its some have said how good it was and you can replie to but its how you feel about it you may think differently after reading some of the posts .ime sure otheres will come along and tell you about there loss and give you support some like you have lost there love.mums and dads just knowing your not alone can realy help its funny how your not alone in this and it can give a bit of comfort but dont worry how your  feeling one morning you will wake up and that horrid feeling will not hit you straight away and then one morning the sun will seem a bit brighter then one day bang pain again but those days get less and less i dont feel the pain like that now its like a dull ache but my goodness its its better than this torcher i wish i could help you more but its a long lonely road and we seem to have to travel it your probably emotionaly worn out grief is exhausting you need time and comfort till you get your emotional energy back so keep coming on theres always someone here for support and giving a kindness to others can help to .paul

Hello Kathy

I'm so sorry to read your post.  Life after the death of a loved one, especially one who has been such a HUGE part of your life for so long, and one who you shared a great love with, is so difficult.  There is nothing really anyone can say that is going to make this better.  Everyone comes through grief and bereavement in their own way and time.  However, I am concerned that you are not telling your family and friends how you feel.  Bottling things up will not help and believe me, they will want to help.  Look at it this way, if the shoe was on the other foot, would you feel someone was "burdening" you if they wanted to talk about their emotions and feelings whilst they are going through such a traumatic experience? I'm guessing not. You would want to be there for them, as they will want to be there for you.  Let them... it's part of the healing process for them as much as for you.  Trust them... tell them,you never know, you might feel better after.

I do know how hard it is... I'm not making light of your situation.... keep going, keep believing and one day you will step lighter - I promise you.

Ruth x

Dear Kathy, I am so sorry to hear about your loss and pain. Your situation is very similar to my mum's 12 years ago, when my dad died. They had been very happy together for 46 years when he died of heart disease after prolonged illness.

After over 40 years together 6 months is nothing, please talk to your family about the loss that is naturally still so raw for you because it will be for them too. It took about 2 years for me to come to terms with losing my dad but finding a way through that with my mum and sister made it so much easier than navigating it alone.

 I joined this site today as my mum died on Tuesday morning just three weeks after a cancer diagnosis and I am so lost. When I saw your post I had to respond because one of the last things my mum said was 'we had such fun' and we did. It felt like we never would after losing dad but slowly we found a way of being a new family that was without dad and the pain slowly gave way to shared good times together. We all still missed him but sharing our loss helped and we were able to build a new chapter in which we were able slowly to bring joy into each others lives again.

6 months is such a short time for you to come to terms with your loss but it's a short time time too for your children who lost their dad, if you pretend to be okay then so will they but if you open up about how hard it is then maybe so will they and together you can help each other.

Share your loss, fill your days and very slowly as time passes the roar of pain will soften and moments of despair become less and moments of joy will come back into your life.

 I wish you all the best in finding your new 'normal'.

Emma x

KathyB I know how you feel,  I am going through the same thing after losing my mum to breast cancer in september.

I lived with her for 38yrs and she was a best friend in addition to being my mum,  and then when they are suddenly gone it is like reality isnt real anymore.

Seeing everyone else carry on in life as though nothing has happened while I am suffering immensely was very difficult.  Reading others stories on this forum is one of the few ways to find comfort because you realise you are not alone, your not the only one going through such a horrible experience.