Hi Merino, 

I'm really sorry to read that having come through your journey with colon cancer you now have to contend with bladder cancer.

I'm also sorry to see that this situation is making these thoughts come to mind Merino. If they continue to occur, do make sure you talk to someone about this. If you feel you can't discuss this with your family and friends do try and say something to your GP or medical team. You could get in touch with the Canadian Association for Suicide Prevention as well.

General help and support can be found on the Canadian Cancer Society website and if you're wanting to get in touch with anyone who has specific knowledge of bladder cancer you can do so just here.

Many members here on the forum can identify with your feelings and I'm sure when they see your post they will stop by to offer their support and advice and do all they can to help you through this difficult time.

Kind regards, 

Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

Hello Merino; welcome to the forum.  I can understand you feel "enough is enough" let's finish it now rather than put myself through potential horrors to come. But you have come through this before and you may surprise yourself with your courage and ability.  And - forgive me for putting my thoughts on your situation - you may miss out on something wonderful that may happen once you have got through this.  You don't say anything about your life situation - do you have family who love you and other good things?  I have helped care for friends with cancer some of whom have said that they kept the idea of suicide tucked away in their mind in case things got too bad (none of them did kill themselves!).  I do feel for what you are going through and would like to think you have friends and familiy to support you.  Life can be awful sometimes.  Do stay with us and talk to people who have been through similar situations.  Annie

Hi Merino,

Really sorry you've been given this whack after what you've already fought.

I understand how you are feeling having had severe depression with suicidal thoughts for most of my 42 years, but I keep on fighting those feelings because it's worth it, even now with stage 3 breast cancer.

Moderator Steph has posted some good links, please do use them if you need to.  I have used the UK equivalents in the past and the sense of relief from talking to them is immense.

What you are thinking about is permanent obviously, and all of us always have that option, so when I'm feeling that way I try to take it day by day, hour by hour, and at my worst even minute by minute, eventually the feeling leaves and I get on with life.  What I've learned over the 42 years is that the feeling always leaves, and each time I'm better at dealing with it next time it arises.  Depression is hideous but it is just another disease that doesn't deserve to win, it doesn't deserve to deprive us of the right to have happiness and laughter.  You haven't let previous cancer take that from you so please do fight this.

Best wishes,

LJ

Hi Twin Two

Depression as nothing to do with it, I wouldn't kill myself but the tought comes to mind at times, I'm 61 years old and it's been a long road but I won't define it here it would be to long, but I will say this I have worked my butt off working construction as a master carpenter (37 years to be exact) I have travel the world for work and vacation. With that being said I was hoping and looking forward to a very nice retirement.

First off I did a heart attack on the job and I was medivac out of Saluit Nunavik the doctors came to me and said that it was time to stop working this was in 2007, I didn't listen tought I could slow down having my own crew (boy was I wrong) then diabetes came along (wasn't surprise it's in the family) these day's i have to inject myself 4 times a day, in 2013 I caught Fournier gangrene when I woke up Big Surprise no more scrotum (google it).

November 2016 I had to be operasted on urgently due to a occlusion that's when I learned that I had colon cancer stage 4 woke up with a stoma I didn't accept it at all (a man ego) went trough all the process of chemio and what have you.

January of this year operated on for the heart one more time (five more stents). The ninth of May operated on to remove my stoma and hot chemio I got a scar 19 inches long after a week I got my release but had nurses that came to my home to change the bandages.

About a month home I was urunating blood went in for a cystoscopy result bladder cancer.

One more thing I have a son with OCD +++ fought the courts for seven years to get custody I won but $$$$$$$$$$$ (lawyers) my son is now 25 years old and his social insertion is still to be made he as invasive toughts all the time plus all is rituels it's not easy on both sides, and the mother is nowhere to be found.

I'm a hard headed & hot blooded French Canadien, I dislike cliché like one day at the time or a hour at the time they are overated to say the least.

So there you have it LJ

Please receive the expression of my respect's

Merino

I certainly do Merino, thank you.  And I do also understand that suicidal thoughts aren't always a result of depression but without knowing for sure I wasn't going to risk not suggesting seeing a GP etc.  I hope that makes sense?

It's just the usual thing of talking to strangers online and not knowing the background or their personsalities etc.  I also agree clichés are often over-rated, actually I'd probably say mis-used, but know that when it is actually depression the one day at a time thing ceases to be a cliché and is the way I stay alive.

I'll never understand why some people have so much thrown at them in life and others (albeit not that many) seem to saunter through with few big problems.  Sounds like your son needs you though!

You certainly have my respect with everything you've fought especially for your son.

LJ

LJ 

It's life that's all don't waiste energy trying to understand, there is people in this world of ours who are in dire situations, nothing to eat, no medical services and to often without a home. I have all that if I was living let's say in Yemen I would be long gone.

Angry is the punition that one inflicts on himself for a fault done by somebody else...

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