Sorry to read this, Johnslady xx 

This is terribly sad - such a recent loss for you and losing your partner so quickly after diagnosis. 

I can relate to this in some way because I lost my mum to the same cancer. She died only three weeks after diagnosis and so...I can recall still trying to get over the fact she got cancer, never mind her having passed away from it. Maybe it is the same for you xx 

Grief is an awful thing...I’m a few years on and although I know a love for a partner is different to the love for a parent, I can say that it did get better for me. It is no longer horrific and like a knife through the heart. Yes...will always miss her and want her back but most memories I have are happy ones now xx 

Sadly there are so many people on here who have experienced the same loss as you...and so I hope you stick around this site so you can link up with some of them. I know that a lovely lady called [@MazdaG]‍ is also going through it after she’s lost her dear husband xx I think one of the most comforting things we can hear is others saying ‘me too’ And ‘I know how that feels, I’m going through exactly the same’ xx 

I know there are also bereavement groups around...a quick google might reveal some in your area xx 

take good care and hope to see you around here xx 

Hello Starcatone,

Thank you so much for your reply. As I have no close family, I feel so alone, not just lonely but alone. When I found this forum, I really hoped someone would chat with me. I also lost my dear Mum 7 years ago, so I know that pain well too, and it was also unbearable at the time. This is a bit different, because after Mums death, I was able to tell myself that losing ones parents is the normal way of things, she was 82, had not been ill, and I found her dead one morning, so, for her, it was quick. Also and most importantly, I had my John by my side, helping me through it. His loss is just unbelievable to me. You don't seem to think about losing your partner, your soulmate, and yet the reality, is that in every relationship, one of you will go first. The last six months of his death was hard, and I constantly tell myself off about what I could have done better. I just don't know how I am going to move on from existing to actually living. Thanks again for your encouragement. X

Hi there ..

So many of us, know the feelings of loss .. or preparing to loose someone... your not alone .. you can help answer other threads ... just by saying you know how they feel ... I'm so sorry you feel so alone ... and years ago, I was there myself, and always remember how that feels ...

I reached out to McMillan to volunteer. .. and you know there's so many good causes needing volunteers ... I found in helping others, I was helping me too ... it's sad but no one knocks on the door to help you, you have to reach out .. look up charities and volenteering... try to make a little difference ... everyone you help, will help your heart mend a tad ...

Hold on in there ... and I'm here most days if you want to chat ... Chrissie x 

Hi johns lady and a warm welcome your not quite so alone now as many understand the agony your going through and realy feel for you .i understand what you mean about the lonlyness as i to to lost my love six months ago its a aloness nothng fills i do have family but it didnt help fill that void i didnt want to go on but here i am still we left it to late to mary because liz had a stroke shorty after chemo so although we were going to like you liz was to ill .but enough of me.its so early for you and you must be still reeling with shock but theres help out there for you .this is what i did and it realy helped i rang the cruz bereavment line and chatted to them they were great listend to me gave helpfull advice if the pain got to bad as nightime it got to me i would ring the Samaritans and tell them what had happend and needed to talk and thats what they did just listend to me chated a bit.theres the mcmillan helpline marie currie helpline  all these numbers are free and on the internet they didnt fill the void but they were a friendly voice in the willderness . Theres noth thing i can say that will take your pain away othere than to to say your so wellcome on here and i know othere members will be along to to give you as much comfort as they can to get you through this rotton time remember like liz and i you were married in your hearts thats what truely counts.warmest wishs paul ps i found bereavement counciling a great help and bereavment groups your with people that understand how you feel and you need that right now 

Hi Chris,

thank you for your kind words if support and encouragement. The days are long, the nights are like ne'er and I just want to be it's my John. I have been offered support from the hospice involved in hiscare and I will pursue that. You say your breavement was years ago, so I'm assuming you feel a little better now. I have been told that you don't get over, but you find a way to move on and live. I do hope so.

thanks again, love Heather.x

Hi Paul

thank you for you support and understanding. I am very sorry for you loss.  I wrongly assumed if one had family it would be easier, but as you say, nothing can fill that void. I have very supportive friends from my church, and an Auntie and Uncle who are in their eighties, so I don't want to put too much of the burden on them. Having said that they have been amazing. I will accept bereavement counselling because I don't think I am doing very well, although it is only 5 weeks on Saturday that he left me. As for our marriage that we left too late, we did have our union blessed in the hospital which was lovely. I cant ever imagine being happy or enjoying life again. What an awful feeling. Thank you again, it means a lot that people understand and care. X

Hi

Was drawn to your post as I also lost my hubby John and whilst it will be 4 years in January sometimes it can feel like yesterday.  We had been together for nearly 43 years and whilst we had children and grandchildren they were also having to cope with their own grief (and I wanted to help them too!!). With chatting on the forum I learned to take small steps in those very early days and not to expect to much of myself.  I was taken under my other half's GP's wing and encouraged to go regularly just for a chat as I think it was her way of keeping an eye on me.

  I consider I functioned on a day to day basis for a good six months before I got my head around it and, in my case, chose to change my thoughts. It takes time to get over the shock whether the death is soon after diagnosis or in my case caring for three years and witnessing the decline of a strong man.  Just so sad.

Like others on this forum, take any support  you may need and come and chat if and when you need to.  There is so much understanding even if we cannot take the physical pain away. Sending a virtual hug at this emotional draining time.  Jules54

hello. i feel so sad for how you feeling, 

i can imagine how you feel...  if you ever need to talk to someone or go for a walk let me know 

tami

Hi Johnslady xx 

How are you doing today? 

As you can see, you aren’t alone here. Sadly there are many of us who have experienced loss and so you don’t have to walk this journey on your own. 

Cancer is such an awful illness, when it takes a hold in the way that it did with our loved ones. I really do not think you could have done anything better, Johnslady. I remember torturing myself with the same thoughts myself...I think we all do that. Whatever you were doing at the time was what you could...you love your partner very much and he would have known that. 

I am so sorry for your pain. It’s great you have access to bereavement counselling...I don’t suppose there is any harm in giving it a go and it may help you to process everything that’s happened. Nice that you have friends from your church too and also some new friends on here! 

Take good care xx 

ps - is that your John in your photo? He is a handsome chap in his hat :)

Hi Starcatone,

yes that is my John in the sombrero. It was taken a couple of years ago. We were at a comedy event, and John always wanted to sit somewhere where he couldn't be seen. Well this night, the comedian found him and picked on him all night. It was so funny. I can remember hurting from laughing so much. I have another one from that night where he was chosen by the same comedian, to be Elvis, and sat there in wig and dark glasses. Oh the memories, hopefully one day they won't be so painful. 

You are right, I must stop the what ifs. I did my best for him at the time.  Thank you for staying in touch. I am glad I have found this group. Somehow I don't feel so lonely knowing other people are feeling the same as I do. Every one has their own grief, and still have kind words and support. It's wonderful. Thank you to you and everyone else who has responded. X

Take care. X