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The anxiety of 'waiting'.

17 Apr 2019 12:14

I found a 2-3 cm hard, painless, lump in my right breast almost 2 weeks ago. The GP gave me an urgent referral so I have an appointment at the breast clinic on Tuesday. My mum has recently finished radiotherapy for breast cancer and my best friend is currently still undergoing treatment (4th op). I've since found another lump, flatter but similar feel lower down the breast.

I'm really struggling to cope with the anxiety and overwhelming panic of not knowing. I think PMT is also hitting and adding. I'm a teacher on my Easter Holiday and have a stack of marking and planning to do but it's just overwhelming me. I'm in school tomorrow doing revision but I'm so close to tears and just can't seem to do my prep. I'm not normally like this so the anxiety is overwhelming and proving debilitating. I've made a joke out of it with few friends/family who know - even naming the lumps Bertha and Bertie! 

I think it's that I'm so used to juggling and managing our very busy lives that this feels like everything is on hold and I can't make decisions. Yesterday, I went clothes shopping but at the back of my head I kept thinking things like what if I don't get to wear it? What if I've had an op and my shape changes? Resulting in me not being able to buy anything. It feels alsmost like time and me has frozen.

Holidays normally go so fast but Tuesday feels so far away. 

I'm putting on a humourous, factual face with everyone - just writing it here feels like a tiny bit of pressure has been released.

I'm in such admiration of the stories on here, my story hasn't even really begun and I'm clearly not coping.

 

Mel

The anxiety of 'waiting'.

17 Apr 2019 15:00 in response to Melhope

Hi, I totally get where you are with this. The waiting for results like this is such a worry, sort of takes over your every waking hour and disturbs your sleep to. I had a CT Scan yesterday, have been placed on TWR by consultant so am so stressed about this. I hope you have as nice an Easter as you can and know that am thinking of you. Take Care

The anxiety of 'waiting'.

17 Apr 2019 15:19 in response to Melhope

You, me and our right boobs. I have to wait til Wednesday . It’s just so bizarre feeling I’m going for “neutral” rather than positive or negative thoughts or I just burst into tears of frustratation! I found a flattish blob lump about the circumference of a golf ball in my right boob over a week ago, went to my gp and her lump finding skills honed in on a second pea sized thing. (Hooray) Everything is in slow motion and I can totally relate to shopping being more of a nightmare than fun. Ever since “the lumps” my right boob doesn’t even feel like it belongs to me.. weird... but it doesn’t . Anyhow, you’re not alone! There’s a bunch of us out here with lumpy boobs sitting and waiting and in a whirlwind of emotions - an Easter to remember that’s for sure!

try to keep calm

maybe mark everything “happy eA+ster!” And give yourself a break xxx

pam

The anxiety of 'waiting'.

17 Apr 2019 15:58 in response to Melhope

Hi Mel - it’s a really tough time waiting for results and check ups and the only advice I can give you is to try and stay as busy as you can - I know marking will be tough as your mind will be else where but maybe try and get out and about and meet friends or family or start a book(that’s what I did) to keep you distracted 

As for clothes shopping, I understand this too as I did the same - but I’ve jusy had my surgery last Wednesday and I had mastectomy with temp recon and it’s amazing how good reconstructions can be so please don’t let that stop you shopping if that’s your therapy

It’s very hard but also try not to google 

best of luck and keep us posted xx

The anxiety of 'waiting'.

17 Apr 2019 16:09 in response to amandajane25

Best advice given. Do not google. 

Xx

The anxiety of 'waiting'.

17 Apr 2019 19:42 in response to Melhope

hello ... I’m new here as I’ve been referred to a clinic today after finding a lump on Monday and barely sleeping a wink since. Doctor said it’s movable and small and that she doesn’t think it’s anything to worry about but she could see I was worried and said best to get it checked. Dr google is not my friend and I’m a born worrier but trying to rationalise it by thinking that worrying and burying my head in the sand won’t make it go away ... and if it’s something bad then knowledge is power and I can deal with it. 

Reading these posts  is helping a lot 

The anxiety of 'waiting'.

18 Apr 2019 17:00 in response to misspotter

Thank you everyone, I'm feeling better today - PMT subsiding! pj1985 I really get the slow motion and the feeling of the boob not feeling like it's mine. Also having stange sensations and itching - most of which I'm sure I'm imagining. My normal cycle boob swell is subsiding but change in lump size, I was hoping - after lots of googling (bad I know but desperate for explanantions) that it was a hormone related cyst that would just vanish of it's own accord.

 

Amandajane I hope you have a swift recovery, I'm in awe, and very thankful of your positivity.

To everyone else who is waiting for answers, huge hugs and hope for positive news.

 

The anxiety of 'waiting'.

22 Apr 2019 21:19 in response to Melhope

Anxiety is definitely getting the better of me today. I trying to set my cover work for tomorrow and mark some books but I'm all over the place. Switching from, "It's just a cyst, just a cyst!" to, "How the hell do I deal with the possiblity of not being here fopr my family.

I'll feel so utterly ridiculous, and out of control Sad

The anxiety of 'waiting'.

22 Apr 2019 21:44 in response to Melhope

Hi Melhope,

Here waiting also. It is really difficult. I keep checking to see if my larger lump “magically” has disappeared, but nope. 

 

Wishing you a good night and next couple dats, I’m not sure exactly what to say as I know not much is comforting “words” wise at this point until we hear something from a doctor.

 

Only a few more sleeps until an answer Happy

xxx

pam <3

The anxiety of 'waiting'.

22 Apr 2019 22:25 in response to pj1985

Hi Pam

I'm 'checking' constantly too. But Bertha and her smaller brother Bertie are definitely sticking around.

My appointment is 9.10 tomorrow so hoping for news that I'm just a rather batty, meopausal woman with lumpy/cyst filled boobs! Or that the Bs are being swiftly evicted.

Writing it down certainly helps - I can't verbalise my anxiety to friends and family as I'm the 'one who copes' and I know my husband is worried enough.

I hope Wed comes quickly for you too.

 

Mel xx

The anxiety of 'waiting'.

22 Apr 2019 22:35 in response to Melhope

I understand where you are at moment. I had a similar wait, then biopsy, then another wait, diagnosis, now waiting for scans before I can start treatment. I have been told this is the hardest part, my lump is Called Bertha!! Wishing you good news, hang in there you will get through it x

The anxiety of 'waiting'.

23 Apr 2019 16:05 in response to Melhope

Hi Melhope, just a quick hi hoping your appointment went alright today. I still have to wait until Thursday so am really feeling the pressure of everything. 

Sending hugs whatever the outcome may be-

xx

pam

The anxiety of 'waiting'.

23 Apr 2019 16:30 in response to pj1985

Hi Pam

Bertha was a large 3cm cyst which was drained while I had my scan. Consultant had identified that and another 2cm which I had found too (Bertie) she also found several other smaller lumps - these were also cysts but they've left those. Bertie is an abnormal growth and not fluid filled, so I had 2 core biopsies and the wait will be 4-5 weeks for result. Neither the drain or the biopsy we're as bad as I expected.  I'm a little sore now but again nothing I can't handle. I do feel better that it's not immefimmedi serious or scary but will be willing the next 4 weeks away.

I hope you get good news Thursday Pam.

 

 

Xxx