Hi ...

I'm so sorry ... these last 12 months have been so so crule ...  I agree , there's so many lovely people on her ready to hold others hands through this time ... the vertual buddies on here are amazing coz they have been here .. all with a story to tell .. 

I've lost 7 in my family last year .. the hardest was my 18 year old granddaughter to acute myeloid leukaemia.... a couple months ago .. so let's keep holding on ... a day at a time ... all holding on together ..  Chrissie    ...... x

I'm sorry  7 in one year and someone so Young 18 so sad  but We can all get through this somehow x

Hello would love to help   X

Thank you so much Chris.... it's something I've had rolling around in my head for a couple of years .. I've listened to a few young ones on here who I  chatted to , through their loss ... 

I'm seeing my grandkids tomorrow ... but after I'm back I'll send you a friend request ...  maybe we can help each other ... your lovely wife will live in your children ... so in loving them, your still caring for her .. I have two sons to ... if we can help them little ones now, you will look back one day and see how amazing they will grow ... and those things that your dealing with now, just may help someone else in the future .. 

Thank you again ... Chrissie....  

Hi, 

Thinking of you and your children. I lost my husband to testicular cancer on 2nd Jan after an almost 2 year fight. He was 41. We also have 2 children - 2 girls aged 11 and 7. Still feel almost numb at the minute and want to feel him with me like he promised he'd be, but I just don't yet. Praying I will one day as need to know he's there and that one day I'll be back with him. Got his funeral to come on Wednesday and currently framing a photo for the top of the coffin and noting down eulogy ideas. All feels so surreal. Got to keep going for the girls though. Sure you know that feeling. Best wishes to you and your little ones. 

Hello I know exactly what you're going throughI'm really sorry for your loss cancer is just horrible and obviously it affects The people who are left behind

 I think things will take a long time before we actually understand at all I'm much the same I walk round in limbo kind of like this can't be happening to me she's only popped out to the shop should be back soon but deep down we know what's happened and next time we'll see them as when we are up in heaven  to that's what my nine-year-old says anyway I hope it's true!  
funeral goes well Trust me you don't need to worry about it it's kind of like time stops just for a little while not really to say goodbye just to say that you love them and you had a short life but happy life 

i'm here if you do wanna talk I don't think I've ever met anyone from Newcastle because I'm from Southampton anyway trust me when I say I feel your pain that's without talking about the kids you're also grieving for the children I know I am I know they should have them and maybe it should've been me with the cancer! I love being on this website and I love talking to people sometimes when there is like radio silence I feel like oh my God what am I going to do next but the boys keep me busy

Hi, 

This is the first time I've been on here but it is so helpful to speak to someone going through this at the same time. People try to help with the things they say but sometimes seems to make it harder. Like they tell you it's fine because your loved one is still with you but I'm like, it's not fine. He wanted to be physically here with us and it's not the same. Totally get what you mean about grieving for the kids too. I keep thinking ahead to all the milestones to come and what Phil will miss and it breaks my heart. My 7 year old asked the other day what happens if she can't find her dad in heaven. So so sad for them. Worried about how they'll cope with the funeral too. Like you say though, they keep us going. I know I'd have gone with Phil if it wasn't for them. Promised him I'd look after them though so I always will. 

Just want to feel his presence and know he's there if you know what I mean. Don't really feel that yet. I talk to him all the time and hope he's listening. But want to really feel it. He promised he'd be with me, on my shoulder for me to talk to, but just feel kind of empty. Maybe it's because I've not really accepted it. Like when my phone beeps, for a split second I'll think he's texting me from hospital. He'd been in a lot for treatment this year so we're used to him being away from home, so I think my brain keeps trying to protect me by telling me he's there. 

Thank you so much for replying. Makes such a difference to talk to someone who understands. 

I completely understand about what you're saying about Wanting to feel him again that is really hard to understand because it's all you can have  if and when it comes I've had one dream in for weeks was lovely but was it real or was it my brain? I have to believe it was her it's all I have left or her .we really She gave herself completely to me and trusted me 100% I will never stop loving her!! 
people you talk to don't have a clue how you feel so don't worry! He has your best friend- daddy to his- girls - And you must not forget your lover all that fun  you had. I do feel you pain  I'm hurting just the same!!!

I think why did breast cancer have to get her we are good people my wife never deserved any of this or my boys 

we will never really understand why as hard as it is I want to be with her but I promised her are look after the boys so I will  I'm crying now still can't believe she's dead I know she is my brain won't  accept it dead means forever are never see her sexy body agin or lovely eyes  . I'm glad you're talking 

You're so right. They were our everything and unless people have been through it they don't understand. I even find it hard when Phil's parents tell me they feel the same as me because I just keep thinking you don't because you've still got each other. He was the strong one and he'd get me through anything so going through this without him is just unbearable.

I've always believed there's something after and we used to talk about sitting together on a cloud one day when this life is done and he said he'd stay with me so I have to believe he's here but it's just hard when I can't really sense him. Not sure what I expected to feel but didn't think it would be like this. Hope I get a dream soon. I did from my grandad just before our wedding and it felt so unlike any dream I've had before or since so I hope it happens again with Phil. Would mean so much. 

I'll always look after the girls but I've just cried so much today. Feel like there'll be happy moments to come with them in the future but that I'll never truly be happy. Then I feel guilty for thinking that because I want the girls to be happy but I feel like I'll always just feel incomplete. Like I'm wishing my life away now. I don't want to go now or any time soon for their sake but I almost wish I could fast forward to when it's my time. Sorry. I know that sounds awful. 

His parentsAre grieving it's completely different kind of grief from you they have lost a son you have lost  a husband in a way it's completely different but just the same because he has gone and is not coming back  I know that sentence was hard to read but that is where I am at the moment want something I can't have even if I've had it  lost everything ! I no my wife wants me to be happy and live live to the full but how can I with out her?  She would expect me to  she thought so hard to keep her life Sophie feels very wrong to end my life soon.

you will get a dream  and One day you'll be back sitting on the cloud together up in the sky