i can understand what problems you are having im looking after my darling wife Brenda , she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and Parkinson's years ago, she also has white matter brain disease,(where some of the brain slowly dies) and has had 8 Tia's (mini stroke). She did have carers three times a day im on palative care for cancer i was diagnosed Feb 2016 , I've got prostate cancer gone to lymph nodes spine ribs pelvis and a lung, permanent treatment getting changed now and again to keep cancer count down..

About a month ago my wife had a really bad UTI and went violent when a carer was here, carer called police because I was at Risk, they called ambulance and she went into hospital there should hit a nurse so she went to psychiatric hospital,i visit when I can as I couldn't drive very often so got rid of my car as never well enough to drive, i get relatives to take me, she is improving slowly and im hoping she will be back to normal and back home soon . 

We All go off on one now and again, its like a safety valve,or we would explode . Any time you want to rent your welcome,and any updates also welcome .

Billy

Hi Violetgirl, this is a lovely message but you do not need to apologise. It's perfectly ok to vent and go off on one, you have been and are still going through so much and sometimes we just need to get everything off our chest and into the open. If you need to again or just want some support and advice then post again anytime. It's better than bottling everything up. This is a lovely community full of so many wonderful kind people. Sometimes it can take a while to get a reply but I'm sure someone will always reply when they're able to. We all care here and want to be there for each other ️

I am so very sorry to hear about your husband. This must be so difficult for you to have to be coping with right now. Hang in there and take it one day at a time. And don't worry about the future, when my mum was dying I worried about the future so much but in the end I just focused on today and worried about tomorrow when it came. It's easier said than done but try to start doing that and I think you'll feel a bit better :)

Sending you love and hugs,

Love Jess xx

Thank you Billy, xx

Thank you Jess, xx

Hi Violetgirl,

Please don't feel you need to apologise, we all feel we need to rant sometimes and to be honest you were feeling a bit hurt/rejected due to having received no replies so I can completely understand that. When we are going through tough times, whatever the situation it takes a lot to post a message and explain to virtual strangers your innermost fears/worries/situation and we wait patiently for someone, anyone to give us that much needed advice and support. I do understand how tired you must be feeling caring for your husband and going through ill health yourself, I too am my Mum's full time carer and have been since she had Kidney cancer 2 years ago (successfully operated on) and now here we are again only this time far worse. I became unwell last year and my first concern was how Mum would cope if I were incapable of caring for her and doing all the household tasks, it was so frightening. When we are responsible for others it puts an added huge worry to the list because like yourself and your husband, my Mum and I live together along with my partner and my Mum replies on me solely. Its especially difficult for you recovering from cancer twice and being in remission. Please take some time to yourself if you possibly can, even if 20 minutes because you also need to look after you. Do you have any other relatives that can step in and help occasionally? Alzheimers is such a heartbreaking condition, I am presently studying Mental Health Disorders and had to complete an exam on this very debilitating disorder, my Aunty had dementia and I know how it changed her completely. I really hope your GP can offer you some help, advice and support with your husband's potential Alzheimers, you are taking on so much yourself.

Please don't think about if you die first, its an unbearable thought. I try to just get through each day because I haven driven myself silly thinking of all the what ifs.

We are here for rants, chats, anything.....I know there will be times I will be here ranting myself. I hope you stay here and find it helpful. Take good care of both of you.

Jane x

Thank you Chrissy, so sorry to hear about your situation.  I guess this is the 'club' no-one ever really wants to join isn't it?  My husband is sometimes very child-like, which I know is not his fault, but he seems unable to grasp the reality of our situation.  In his more lucid moments I have very gently explained to him that there may come a point where we will need to see about getting some outside help, and during these lucid times, he seems to be able to understand.  My husband has no relatives at all on his side and my family are a couple of hundred miles away in London, which I where I am originally from.  You are of course right when you say that it is not good to think about 'what if' I die first.............like you say, we must take each day as it comes.  Anyway, thank you for your reply, especially as you have got so much on your own plate,  take care, Violet, x