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Terrible day

23 Nov 2017 22:43

Just learned today that my beautiful, brave wife has secondary breast cancer in spine,hip and rib. Can't stop crying when I think of the wonderful retirement I had planned for me and her (although no tears in front of her, brave face). She's convinced she can fight this and live for 20 more years then I read that all that can be offered is quality of life, perhaps 2 years. No, no, no. Can anyone give me any positive stories, my hearts breaking.

Re: Terrible day

23 Nov 2017 23:39 in response to dmc62
Hello, I stumbled across the website and your post after visiting the doctors myself today. My heart goes out to you. I can’t offer you any sold facts about your awful situation, but have had friends who have lived happily for many years after very serious cancer test results. I don’t know you or your wife. But will be praying for you both tonight.

Re: Terrible day

23 Nov 2017 23:53 in response to dmc62

Hi DMC,

Your wife may prove to be right. Predictions like this are based on averages and are only useful when applied to large numbers of people. I was given a similar estimate back in 2013, following a stage 4 diagnosis. 

There is a certain amount of luck in all of this. The averages also ignore things like age, physical fitness and co-morbidities - all of which can affect outcomes. 

Good luck to you both

Dave

Re: Terrible day

24 Nov 2017 00:44 in response to cssh0599

Thank you for your kind words and prayers cssh0599.

Re: Terrible day

24 Nov 2017 00:51 in response to davek

Thanks Dave. I've read quite a few of your posts before I posted myself and your positive attitude shines through. One day at a time as they say.

Re: Terrible day

24 Nov 2017 07:57 in response to dmc62

Hi just read your post .my diagnoses was boom out blue bowel screening I had no idea I am 60 after getting a scan was told it had spread to liver shock no2 after more scans boom u have 2nd lesion in liver but not cancer so that's ok another scan nodules on lung non specific so from happily ticking along world upside down my husband like you devastated and still is he was retiring in middle of this had many plans all on hold now .we have been told a plan for me but it's long rd got have 2 ops more chemo no guarantee any of it work .but we enjoy things we do try have positive attitude most time my husband has been great support but had been hard especially tell our children.my sick pay will be non existent soon and can't get state pension for another 6 years .but I think it makes you really appreciate good things minor things don't matter I suppose what I'm saying is you adjust after you accept shock and hopefully get a plan any kind waiting is awful .my doc keep wanting to put me on sleeping pills n councilling I keep refusing.enjoy every day .try keep chin up 

Re: Terrible day

24 Nov 2017 08:28 in response to dmc62

Awful news. I'm not a medic but know that with breast cancer, if metastases are 'only' bones (hard to use the word 'only') as opposed to bones and other organs, then the chances are better.  As Dave says, it is largely a matter of luck. And that luck means that some people who have stage 4 breast cancer sometimes live a long time. And don't forget that the averages that are published in medical journals, and quoted on medical websites, are always based on statistics gathered over many years, say from 1990-2010. These averages will always be less than for someone diagnosed in 2017. Best wishes. Harry  

Re: Terrible day

24 Nov 2017 09:11 in response to tigercub

So sorry to hear your own story tigercub. You sound like my wife who is strong and unbelievably brave. Thank you for taking the time to reply. My very best wishes for your own journey.

Re: Terrible day

24 Nov 2017 09:13 in response to Harry2

Thanks for posting harry. You and Dave have given me a boost that this is not a given just yet. The fight goes on.

Re: Terrible day

24 Nov 2017 09:18 in response to dmc62

Hi no I'm not always strong that is side people see . private can be very different my hubby has cried loads I think it's very different set worries for partner we have talked about very difficult thing s have got finances sorted as much and was painful.this morning hubby found mole/ birthmark on my back that's changed I didn't even know it was there so something else for him worry about.but I've phoned chemo nurse for advice .can't get gp appointment for love or money these days .good luck with everything .hope you have family to support you.