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Telling people

4 Mar 2021 15:30

Hi, my partner has recently been diagnosed with ovarian cancer and we are still figuring out stuff, as you do. We have not told many people and agreed to take our time figuring out what to do. Every day now she phones a different friend and is telling them. I do get it and don't need a response about her needing to do what ever she needs, but thanks if you were going to x 
 

My issue is how to respond myself, as I am aware I am still coming to terms with the news, have not shared it with anyone and probably feel a bit isolated, at the same time I am not ready yet to share the news. We have more contact now with family and friends, and I get they want to be involved, but they are asking for updates and are more involved in our lives than ever. I find it intrusive and feel ****** for the negative feels. 
 

Any useful tips, hints, insights would be lovely x thank you 

Telling people

5 Mar 2021 08:57 in response to Ton1961

Hi Ton1961,

Being the partner of someone going through this horrible experiance is super tough and I'm only at the start of it like you. Himself and I handle most things as a team and with inapropriate banter. We discussed how we were going to communicate the news early on and decided we would do things as we always do. Family and close friends first, which we took a divide and concor approach, then our huge social group on FaceBook. This wasn't a 'look at us, we're having to deal with so much', this was a 'no secrets, we want you along for the ride'. I honestly believe if it wasn't for the Covid lockdown we may have done it differently. As himself says he needs me for support and I need everyone else lol.

I should imagine that and your partner have discussed what this diagnoses and treatment mean to you guys for the future. You're going to have to make decissions now that perhaps you wouldn't have done yet. Maybe at this stage ask your partner how she would like you to share the news, then once you start you'll find your own way, the way that feels right for you. I would strongly recommend that you find a few close mates to be your support network. Who will check in with you, give you a shoulder and make you laugh.

The hubster's dad is 85 and has been calling me for updates, even though there aren't any and its a strain so I understand how you feel about your partners family. Everyone that loves her will want to show support and they think thats what they are doing. Maybe find a way to get them to support you practically, 'can you get us this?' 'can you check out that?', they will either help or stop calling, either way works lol.

From a female perspective, your partner is not only dealing with the cancer but also the disruption to her down stairs girl bits, it messes with your head in a way that only another female would understand, sorry but I believe that to be true. I had to have a full hystertomy 5 years ago, I never wanted or had kids and yet the facted that my bits were never going to be able to did have to be discussed with several girlie friends. There was a lot of crying Wink

If nothing there helps I hope it gets you thinking about what would.
 

Take care of yourself and happy to chat x