I needed a couple of days on my own curled up in bed .. just wanting to get so many emotions out .. I was confused, scared, and wanted to scream too .. I shut everyone even my son out while I did this ..
Once I got my head round it .. and with all those emotions out, I felt ready to take it on, and let those I loved in .. because I felt really strong .. so I could face them .. it's hard seeing them scared and upset .. but once they saw how strong I was they could cope ..
The words that helped me most were, from my daughter in law who got us all together and said .. no more "what ifs" no more panicking, well take things as and when they pop up .. and deal with them to gether .. and live in the day .. that really got me through ...
I had a grade 3 breast cancer, and looking back, thought I'd be lucky to have weeks left .. here I am 13 months down the line and doing fine ... cancer has come a long way ..
Cancer wants us to panic, give up, lay down in the gutter ... well I got my boxing gloves on, got in the ring and win or loose this journey I'd kick it's *** every step of the way .. yes I halve occasional low days .. but I have a rant and stand back up again .. if you can get ready for the rollercoaster cancer ride .. hold on tight... wer all there with you ... chrissie x
Sorry to hear about your diagnosis. Do you feel up to sharing more? Maybe a bit about your diagnosis, family set-up, dependents etc.? No worries if not.
Are you still to come to a reconciliation with the diagnosis yourself? If so then whatever you do don't be too hard on yourself. It's great to have the support once you've told people but if you still need some headspace for yourself then don't feel bad about that.
I had a gut instinct with mine all along so I told immediate family when I found a lump and then just had to update them at each point along the way. That worked for me very much because I just knew it was going to be cancer and the news just got a little worse each time. For others the ripping off of a plaster method works best.
One thing I would say is ensure you have their attention when telling them, just like with us getting the news the minute the word 'cancer' is mentioned people can fail to hear exactly what is being said. With my twin the telecoms connection wasn't great and that was upsetting as she ended up getting it into her head that the biopsy might come back negative when in fact they'd already said it was cancer (despite awaiting the biopsy). I had to tell her twice.
Just some initial ideas, sadly there's no right or wrong way :-(
What a brave person you are. I have skin cancer on my face. Just the word C****r frightens me to death but to be told you have it has shocked me after a waiting game. Still having tests now to see if it has spread to my testicles as I have a few lumps down there. My mum isnt well herself and that alone is bad enough for my dad, so not sure how to break it to them. Good luck in your own fight and thank you so much for your advice.
Thanks, but definitely don't feel brave, isn't much anyone can do but just take each day as it comes.
Sorry about the skin cancer, especially with it being on your face. I have a good friend who has been through it twice now and one of the things he found toughest was that he could see it so easily, it made it hard for him to have those nice moments where you 'forget'. Totally get why the 'c' word is frightening but thankfully statistically it is becoming far less so :)
Really hope it hasn't spread to your testicles but glad it's all getting checked out. It does sound like your poor dad is going to have a lot to deal with, no-one wants to see one loved one sick never mind two. I feel for my poor dad having been through this with his own mum then twice with my mum and now with me. It's never going to be easy but I guess part of the telling them is knowing that they are going to want to support you through this and to be there for you, I can't imagine they'd want you to go through it alone. And people are often stronger than we think. Still, it probably will help to have it all sorted in your own head first. Do you have someone you can take with you to help you tell them?
Do you have a treatment plan yet or are you undergoing staging and grading tests still?
So sorry to read about your diagnosis and welcome to the chat room.
Sooner, rather than later would be my advice.
The longer you leave it, the harder it will be. From time to time we get relatives on here complaining that their loved ones didn't share their bad news with them? They ask things like "don't they trust me?", "why didn't they feel they could share this with me" and "I'm devastated, they've known for months and now it is too late".
I know from experience how it feels not to have been told, as my Mum took ages to tell anyone as "she didn't want to worry everyone". I think that she thought that as soon as she told anyone other than my Dad it would somehow become real. I swore that if I was ever diagnosed, I'd tell my family immediately - which I did.
This is probably the hardest conversation you will ever have, but putting it off is just another form of denial. You may need all the support you can get over the coming weeks.
Do what feels right for you and your family - you know them better than anyone else.
