tell me why

Hi, my husband was diagnosed with cancer of the osesphagus on 23 May so this is still fairly new to us both.  We are going through all the emotions everyone on here does and it's bloody awful. Next week we find out if he can have an operation to remove the nasty bit of *** call a tumour, however, he had a heart bypass 2 years ago followed by heart failure, which he lives with and manages very well.  This problem means his heart may not be up to the op and the same with chemo.  I am helping  as much as possible, I love him dearly, he is my rock, my soul mate, has seen me through some really rough times and I cannot imagine life without him, so why today when I was out, for a fleeting moment I just wanted to keep driving and not go home.  I can't believe I even thought like that. 

  • Hi, I  know exactly  how you feel that getting in the car and just driving bit I think it is  normal, my rock has just had an operation but on his discharged  letter I  saw they had written  pallative  operation, so I  am trying  to make everyday count, so that however long we have together i'l have no regrets because the thought of him not with me is utterly  earth shattering, yes people say they understand  but unless  they are lucky enough to find their soul mate they cant understand  how we feel. I am taking one day at a time and please  use this forum as there are a lot of very good people who make you realise  that you are not alone.

    Take care 

  • So sorry you are going through this and saw the letter, why did they not tell you?  Many hugs xx 

     

  • I have no idea but we were so shocked when we had the consultation and were told that he had cancer I dont think we could take anything else in, having read on here that pallative  care doesnt mean he has only weeks or months but he could have many years for us to be together and in the more positive moments I  know if anyone can keep fighting to stay on this earth this man of mine can, I also get moments that are gut wrenching when even the thought of loosing him comes over me like a wave ( mostly late at night after he has gone to bed) I  dont think there is a right or wrong way for us to feel we can only do or best for them, and make this new life with this b...... cancer normal I am sure this sounds strange but to the outside world i am coping great.

    I keep hearing and reading about a "  cancer team"  that help and support people with cancer have we  to get in touch  with them our selves or do the gps do that? because we havent seen anyone since the day we found out 14th of May 2019,yes we spoke to the  surgeon who removed the tumour but that was post operation and was focused on the recent surgery 

    Take care xx