HiH Syl,
Sorry for the late response but has been an up and down fiew days.
I hope you have rung your doctor to see if he can help with your feelings of grief and loneliness which have become worse since the loss of your sister. I never had siblings and the only relative I now have other than the kids is my Mum's sister who is 92 now and though we speak weekly since Mum died I have not seen since 2008!! It is very sad indeed that your own children made you feel sad with their own reactions but I am sure they may have their own life issues to deal with and perhaps it just came out wrong on the day you got together. It is so difficult to put on positive feelings in front of others when you feel low. Hopefully the GP can refer you for bereavement counselling. Several of my friends and my daughter and grandson use a talking therapies helpline after referrals and it is sometimes easier chatting to those who are not emotionally linked to a situation. Your children albeit adults have their own loss to cope with as they lost their Dad and now an aunt and I do find it difficult watching my children trying to channel their grief which can very often come out as anger or impatience. This time of year does not make it any easier.
My weekend away should have been to Princess Risborough with the evening out in Marlow but unfortunately my friends had sad news themselves and it was not appropriate to go stay with them and so I had a weekend at home as usual. We will get together once they are up to entertaining again. As I was not away I went into London on Saturday and it was a beautiful day to walk a couple of the London parks. I usually only see the family about once a month or so depending on when our diaries can match up. It could be after Christmas now till I see my daughter and family as they are busy working and then are away for the Christmas School holidays and it is their turn to be at my son in law's Dad's for Christmas itself. We will catch up in the early New Year. I had a trip to the cinema last week and saw Mrs Harris Goes to Paris and would thoroughly recommend it; just a lovely gentle film and I came out smiling.
Having my hair cut later today and then at the gym later this afternoon where they are doing a special evening with an open evening with 'trick or treat' lucky dip for any children that pop in. I do not get involved generally with Halloween but will stay and help out so have a witch's hat at the ready lol.
We too have had a few showery days so have been wearing my waterproofs (invested in 'overtrousers' too) so I can still enjoying going for my walks without getting soaked if I want to leave the brolly at home! Yesterday I left in rain and headed to the station but then enjoyed over 5hrs walking around Kew Gardens enjoying the views and wildlife on the lake and there were even some sunny intervals so stayed dry. No other plans this week but then I usually make up my mind what to do once I get back from my pre breakfast stroll, now being done in the dark as Autumn/Winter begins.
I cannot believe the garden; still have roses, lilies, sweet peas and sedum and salvias in bloom. Glad you still have a hedgehog to feed. I have a 'house' for them but no residents for a few years now (probably home to the woodmouse and bugs though ha ha). Foxes are still being seen on my night camera and viewing that and talking with my online wildlife groups helps keep me on the straight and narrow. All my bulbs are now planted and it is just general deadheading and feeding the birds now. Still so mild which is definitely going to help with the energy bills as not needed to put the heating on apart from the odd hour so far. Even getting the washing dry outdoors occasionally. Does not feel at all right for the end of October but enjoying the sunshine again this morning. Hope it stays dry later for the hairdressers.
Take care of yourself and do hope you can get the help you need. Sending best wishes and a hug. Jules x
About Cancer
