Hi Brigitta,

I can understand how you feel, and I think it is something that is shared by many people in similar situations to yourself. If you haven't already, do have a look around the forum for other relevant discussions, particularly within the 'Moving on' section, as I'm sure there'll be others in the same boat here.

Keep finding things you enjoy and appreciating the little things, as well as taking things a day at a time.

Hopefully you'll receive more replies here soon - my reply to you will boost your post, meaning a few more people should see it.

Wishing you all the best,

Ben
Cancer Chat Moderator

Thank you Ben. I think the issue was I dwelled on why this has happened and why to me. It is much easier to move forward when I just accept it. Although it's a fair question, there is no answer and it's only holds one back . Thanks for responding 

Hi Brigitta

I feel all the feelings you are describing, feeling very low at the moment, I am four weeks after surgery so still on my journey.

I have happy days, sad days, days where I do not know what to feel, also feel sorry for my self.

I have two friends who are in different stages of their breast cancer journey, I find it helps to talk to them, as I feel they understand what I am going through, we support each other.

I have also joined a breast cancer charity group, I have free therapies there, they also give information about other groups that can be helpfull, speak to your MacMillan nurse, she will be able to advise you!

There are groups out there for cancer survivors, just research, it will help your mental health to be able to talk to people who have been on the same journey, you need love and support not just through the treatment, but for many years after, talking to people about their journeys helps put yours into prospective.

Before I had breast cancer I still had up and down days, I think as we get older things seem to get to us a lot easier.

Hope I have not rambled too much, but I hope you start to feel better soon,

Dawn xx

Thank you Dawn for responding. I have a 'cancer buddy' we meet for lunch , its nice Cause oftentimes we just talk about normal stuff actually . But at the same time can share cancer related experiences. There was a cancer event, i didnt attend . I felt like Maybe doing normal things would help me more . Maybe it's about balance.  Take care and let's be kind to ourselves :)

Xx

Hi  Brigitta alot of us call it the new normal, things we have been through the old normal no longer exists, people who haven't had or got cancer can't begin to understand what we've been through. 

Trying to be positive and sure can be hard hope you can get there in the near future. 

Billy  

Ps keeping busy is a good help if you can, something to occupy you get you thinking of other things. 

Pps I'm on palative care since February 2016, managing ok keeping busy looking after my wife she has alzimers and parkinsons plus other problems and i keep house reasonably tidy, shopping and washing and few other things. 

Thank you Billy. You're doing amazing by the sound of it

Hi Brigitta,

Apologies in advance if this turns into a rant but there'd be something wrong with you if you went through that experience and somehow turned into Mary Poppins as a result! If you'd been badly attacked by a dog, you'd expect to be even more scared of dogs after the wounds had healed. The same goes for cancer, except that's often complicated by survivor's guilt.

It is nine years since I was told cancer would kill me. Worrying that it will come back and that I'd have to go through chemo again is always at the back of my mind. By nature I'm an optimist and a risk taker but even so this fear is always lurking quietly in the background. Learning to live with it is like living on a volcanic island because, let's face it, a recurrence can never be ruled out.

My rant is over societal expectations which goes along the lines of "you've dodged a bullet - you must feel awesome about that"! Comments along these lines are often followed by talk of famous cases of celebrities who live amazing lives after "beating" cancer. The fact is their lives look fabulous in Facebook or Instagram but in the wee small hours they are as likely as you or I to wake up in a cold sweat worried by the risk of having to start that journey all over again!

Please don't be too self-critical over your fears - I'm sure we all go through this. Live grieving, it does get easier over the years and, like living by a volcano, you can live a long and happy life. That said, unlike living by that volcano, you can't just move your home to somewhere less scary!

If you can lose yourself in art, music, literature, dog walking or travel that will help balance out your negative feelings but please don't feel forced to be "practically perfect in every way"! 
 

Good luck!

Dave

Hi, I too have been struggling with "bouncing back" since my treatment finishes. There is an article by Dr Peter Harvey called "After the treatment finishes, then what?" Which I found helpful when trying to understand why I was feeling so down. Hope it helps you too in some way.

Thank you, I've read the article. Each and Every sentence . A true Reflection of how I feel. No recipe on how to move forward , sg Maybe that happens with time Or i need to Find the answer within. Xx

Unfortunately, and as much as I desperately want to, I haven't managed to find that secret recipe yet either. I have just had first of 6 counseling sessions with Bupa/One right, which I arranged online through the Macmillan website. So far advise given on a breathing technique and apps available (eg Headspace.) I was also asked to go through my diagnosis/treatment, how I was feeling now and what I wanted to get out of the counseling. "Just to feel like my old self" I replied (without screaming it at the top of my voice!) For the next session it will be up to me what I want to talk about. Early days and don't think there are any quick fix solutions, guess it's about learning to accept life may never feel the same (I have a lot of feelings of grief around this and cry a lot too) and learn how to manage the emotions and thoughts you are left with. I have stopped beating myself up about not feeling positive, it becomes exhauting and just another thing to feel anxious about! I hope you find ways that help you through this tough time. xx