Hi, 

My mum got diagnosed with lung cancer last August and got told that without treatment she had six months to live. She has two rare genetic mutations so treatment is more like guesswork. The pill form of chemo failed to shrink the tumours so she had 1 bout of IV chemo just before Christmas. Last weekend she was rushed to hospital as she was in septic shock due to perforated bowel, and was sent home to die. She has bounced back, is awake, mobile and eating much to everyone's surprise.

I'm struggling because a lot of reasons. My brothers and I are taking it in turns to care for her along with three visits a day from carers. I find her quite demanding and we always had a fractious relationship. I moved out as soon as I could and find moving back overwhelming. We hope to move to a overnight stay, but I struggle when she suddenly wants to do things that we never did growing up, like talking about issues, doing jigsaws etc. To me it's a bit late now and whilst I have forgiven I have not forgotten and I struggle. My brothers tell me to appreciate the time I have with her and to treat one day at a time, but with that I feel trapped, like my life has now been put on hold. And I'm scared when she eventually dies, I will be overwhelmed with all these feelings. People talk about caring as being lovely and a chance to say goodbye etc. I just want to stick my head in the sand and deal with it all later. 
 

just wondering if anyone has ever felt the same?