Hi I'm so sorry to hear about what your going through I don't know why these things happen. From my own personal experience I lost my sister 5 years ago through a clot I tried to resuciate her I got her heart going and she was rushed to hospital but sadly passed away. She was a wonderful person would help anyone and had a very strong faith I couldn't get my head round why she went but I tried to get on with life. This year my dad's health has seriously detioriated he has prostrate cancer which has spread to his spine when my sister died I wished it was me she was so much better than me but now caring for my dad I know my sister couldn't have coped mentally and physically and it might sound strange but I sort of understand why. All I can say is things will eventually make some sort of sense and I'm sur you have all the wonderful memories I often think of the happy times I had with my sister and it helps get me through I don't know if it's any help but I was just sharing how I coped hope you are OK 

hi Mortice,

thankyou soo much for commenting. I am so sorry for the loss of your Sister. I’m also sorry to hear about your father’s health. My father had prostate cancer, and I know exactly what you’re going through.

life is soo cruel, I will never understand why my father went through what he has and I will never be the same. My life is no longer what it was before and nothing will ever compare the love I had for my father. He was my hero and someone who will always be In my heart. 

Thankyou for your kind words it really means a lot! 

It just doesn’t seem real, Will I always feel like this? 

Hi thanks for your kind comments I was worried I might make things worse for someone. Its been 5 years for me since this happened first year I just kept thinking what if I got to her sooner I'm not a nurse just a first aider but I blamed myself so much I missed her terribly and wished I had said all things I hadn't to her. I wished I was dead and not her I was such a mess for first few years then slowly bit by bit I started to heal I had to accept that sometimes bad things happen. I don't think you get over these things you learn to live with them. My dad is failing I've been told he has 12 months I'm making sure I say all the things I wanted to but I suppose I'll cope differently when he goes. Try to get out and do things even though you probably don't feel like it go for a walk meet your friends try to get some normality back. I'm sure your dad wouldn't want you to be sad all the time he would want you live your life. I know my sister would be like that with me. Just take each day at a time and tell yourself your getting stronger and coping better each day I'm sure you will look back in time and see how far you've come. Hope your OK 

Hi. I was sorry to read your post.  Losing a parent is so sad and incredibly hard to watch someone you love deteriorate.  I lost my mother over ten years ago now to ovarian cancer.  She was misdiagnosed and died quickly.  Luckily I had a chance to say goodbye. She was only 62 and had so much to live for. Cancer is cruel and doesn’t care.  I miss her, showing her what her grandchildren have done and see them grown into lovely adults. Maybe she can see them, I don’t know but I like to think so.  I am going through chemotherapy as I have breast cancer.  I am fighting this as I want to live until I am an old lady...

For you, it’s still raw.  I would say that it does get better as memories become so important. When you do something that you know he would laugh at or need him for a diy dilemma and advice instead of crying hopefully with time, you’ll smile and think of his kindness and love rather than his pain and illness.  When I can’t tell if it’s a weed or not in the garden I always think of my mum as she would know.  I often pull it out smiling at the fact I probably got it wrong and she is laughing at me!!  

Take care.  It is a process of lose and hurt that you have to go through. Grieving is a sad time but such a necessary time. My thoughts are with you. X

So sorry jep to hear what your going through wish you well I like your advice it does get easier with time and happy memories help

honestly Mortice, there’s no need to thank me. And do not worry about comments making it worse. 

There are soo many things I’d like to tell my dad. How proud I am, and how much I love him and much more. Nothing can prepare you for such a thing. All the time I had with my father, I could never bring myself to say some things as I didn’t want to upset him or make the situation anymore real than what it already was if that makes sense?

just like you blame yourself for your sister- I wasn’t there for my father, I went home the day before and was planning on seeing him the day after as I was told he was stable. I wish I had been there, maybe I could of done something or had least held his hand and had comforted him. The fact that somebody else was there when I wasn’t breaks me and I really do wish I could turn back time. This is the one thing I didn’t want to happen. 

I wish you and your father all the best! And I really do wish that you and your family have a miracle. 

All my love 

becca x

Thank you wish you well

hi jep,

Thankyou soo much for commenting! I am so sorry to hear about your mum and also your Diagnosis. Your words mean a lot, so Thankyou so much. 

I can not begin to imagine what you’re going throug, not only loosing your mother but having to fight this awful disease yourself. You are soo strong and I would be so proud of yourself. I could never be as strong as my father and how strong he was for us children . Just like you are with yours. I really do wish you all the best with your own battle and that you kick cancer into touch. 

If you ever need someone to talk to, message me- no matter  day or time. 

Sending hugs! 

Becca xx

Hi jep, sorry I saw this post and just wanted to say that I lost my Mum to ovarian cancer just over 2 weeks ago, she was only 60, so young like your Mum. Your post brought a lot of comfort knowing that it does get better... I'm so sorry you are now going through cancer yourself and I wish you the best x

Dear Becca

thank you for your kind message. I am trying to be positive and I really appreciate that I can contact you. 

Take care of yourself. 

Jane