Oh my, sometimes I wish I could reach through to give someone a hug ... this is one of those times ... it is hard enough at my age.... I just can't imagine how you get through this journey with a young baby there too ... though he must keep you busy most of the time ... which is a good thing ... it gives you less time to think ...they call this cancer journey a rollercoaster... cos it feels like your strapped in... taken on the scariest ride of your life, and you can't get off ... 

Now try not to look ahead, coz then it becomes overwhelming ... and emotions then are at braking point .. and although it's good to get them out ... you need so much strength just to get through every day ...there's a few of our lads on here, had a bad diagnosis and they are still here, pushing those time limits they were given ... and from their posts, it feels they live in the "now" and I'm sure it helps ... 

I only look 2 months ahead since my mastectomy op ... mine was a grade 3 ... but here I am nearly a year down the line ... still standing ...share thoughts, fears, and a few tears too ... and if you can live today ... you will find some funny things happen too ... I always make sure I have a smile for to day ... so jump on the rollercoaster with him ... and if you look around, wer all on there with you ... you can do this ... sending you a vertual hug ... Chrissie 

Thank you for your reply Chrissie, I will try to narrow my focus and think more about enjoying life day by day rather than the horror of losing the best man I’ve ever met. It’s just so hard to believe that this has even happened, and I find myself angry with total strangers for even appearing to be ok when he is so ill. I don’t want to be so bitter and angry with life but I feel taken over by it sometimes. Our little boy is so small and so innocent and loving and I just can’t bear to imagine him being hurt and missing his daddy, or worse still, not remembering him. There I go again. I suppose during the day I can shift my focus to the present but it’s much harder in the night when I’ve been up feeding him and then am lying in bed, thinking. 

Today we found out that the folfiri (chemo) that he has just finished cycle 6 of has either never been working or has stopped holding the growth of the tumours back. They’re taking a break and then trying a different type of chemo but I feel my hopes plummeting even further. Just really needed some good news and got the opposite. I don’t want to give up and I know that he still has a lot of will to fight but it just seems to keep getting worse. 

Sorry to rant again, I really was just writing to say thanks for your words  

Hi there ...

So sorry you've had more bad news .... life really isn't fare ... but your little boy means you will never loose your hubby ... he is half of him ... and he must need you so much ... 

My niece lost her hubby before he was 30 ... she had 2 children with him they were 3 and 1 when he died ..  because we talk about him and tell them things, and his photos are still around ... we tried to fill their lives with fun and laughter and yes when I talk to his daughter who was just 1 and now just passed with HONERS at university. . She says she does like talking about him and does wonder sometimes but because she has no memory of him, it's easier if that makes sense ... and his little boy who was just 3 now looks so much like him, and when he talks and smiles he is his dad ... so it's like still having a part of him ... my niece like you, still loves him and misses him, but I'm so proud of how she brought them up so loving and I'm sure their dad always looks over them ...

But yours is still here, and hold on to the now ... you never know ... l didn't think I'd get 3 months after my op, but here I am 11 months and looks like my 1st year is around the corner ...

Please just take every day .... and never give up hoping ... you never know ...  here when you need a shoulder .. and I bet just writhing your fears and feelings down helps just a little ... Chrissie

Hi

Having had prostate cancer myself and also having lost twelve family members to cancer over the years, I have to say I found it harder being the carer than it did a patient. For as a patient you do feel you have a degree of control over how you feel/react to your cancer but as a carer you are trying so hard to put on a brave face and to make out your coping whereas the reality is, whene no ones around, your falling to pieces and fearing the worst.

Some people think cancer only affects the patient but its so hard on the family and friends. For they often dont get the help they need to get through the emotional roller coaster ride that cance causes. They are the forgotten victims of cancer.

I am glad Chriss has replied to you, she is a great lady who has helped many on here. I hope by chatting to people on here, you can at least release some of those built up emotions for as that old ad says, "IT HELPS TO TALK".

Take care and sending hugs to you, Brian.

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