Hello xxhan88xx, 

A warm welcome to Cancer Chat. I am so sorry to hear that your dad has been so poorly and that you have noticed a significant decline recently. It sounds that all this is taking its toll on your wellbeing. You mentioned that you are not feeling well on a daily basis so perhaps it might be worth talking to your doctor about how low you have been feeling. I am sure your GP will be able to help so don't hesitate to talk to your doctor about these thoughts you have been having and how it is hard for you to manage to keep a smile on your face. 

You have come to the right place to talk to others who are looking after a loved one with cancer. Perhaps they have a parent or a relative who is in a similar situation, and I hope that they will be along shortly to share their experience with you. It does help to talk to others who are in a similar boat and understand what you are going through as sometimes it is hard to talk about these things to those who are closest to us.

Our nurses are also available on this free number 0808 800 4040 if you would like to talk things through with them - their line is open Monday to Friday from 9am to 5pm. 

We're thinking of you during this difficult time and wanted you to know that you are not alone. 

Best wishes, 

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

Hi, 

Im so sorry to hear your story, I can completely relate. My Dad has lung cancer and I have recently seen a rapid decline, somehow even though you know what is coming it doesn't seem real and then all of a sudden it hits you and it's suffocating. I also can't get the thought out of my head, I can't do anything without thinking about it or getting upset, I can't focus or concentrate on anything. I don't really know how I'm helping here but just wanted to let you know you aren't on your own.

Hi popayah, 

how are you doing? Thankyou so much for your reply. It helps to be able to talk to someone that understands. Tomorrow my dad gets his scan results after 6 months on chemo and I'm Praying it's good news. I have felt so sick all day today and no doubt I will tomorrow untill I hear from him.  He's always had good results so far so I'm holding on to that hope. 
 

how is your dad doing? My dad hasn't been great recently I can definitely see the decline and to be honest I'm really struggling seeing him like it. 
 

hope your enjoying the nice weather xx

Hi xxhan88xx

My Dad actually passed away at the weekend, I'm so sorry if this in any way upsets you. He was the best person and absolutely didn't deserve this, I'm sure you feel the same way about your Dad, everything just seems so cruel and unfair.

I really hope that you get good news tomorrow . I too found watching the decline very hard but I found a lot of comfort in helping him in any way that I could, he was always so so grateful of everything I did for him. I did start to struggle with the fact I felt like I couldn't remember how he was before getting ill, I have photos and videos but everything is too hard to look at right now. 
 

I hope that you are managing to cope ok, feel free to message if you want to carry on speaking, like I said fingers crossed for good news tomorrow xx

Hi xxhan88xx ,

Crying as I read your words ! my amazing , wonderful and brave Dad is battling incurable cancer ! I feel like you have written exactly how I feel ! I wake thinking about Dad go to sleep ( if I can sleep ) thinkimg about him . None of my friends have been through anything like this and I find it hard to open up and talk about it , I don't want to be that mood hoover ! 

I can not contemplate life without my Dad he is such a happy person ! i am struggling with feeling so angry ! so angry I feel angry at other people getting on with their lifes , happy / laughing etc , I feel angry at the world in general that this is happening to my Dad and fearful about what is to come as a nurse I have spent the last 12 years in palliative and end of life care , I have lost count of the people I have cared for dying of cancer so I know excatly what the future holds and that is like complete daily torture !!! I feel like life will never be the same again ! I feel so guilty for feeling angry towards anyone and anything and I am scared this how I will always feel ! I would not wish this rollar coaster on my worst enemy !!!!!