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Struggling to be a wife

Cherryp
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I have been married for over 30 years but am struggling to cope & feel that our marriage will end before my husband dies from cancer.

My husband had a mental breakdown in 2010  and was dealing with it reasonably well then he was was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma 2years ago after damage to his spine.  He responded well to treatment & was due to have a stem cell transplant last year but it was postponed due to Covid. He had six months remission before returning to weekly treatment. He now has a date for SCT.

His treatment regimen over the last two years has seriously affected our relationship. I have become a carer rather than a wife & living with his behaviour makes me more miserable daily. We have friends who help practically but no one who can help emotionally.

This illness is terminal but manageable & he could have many years ahead. Who can I turn for help so that we both have a happy future together.

This post is selfish but after supporting my husband for so long I need to ask for help to continue to do so.

 

 

 

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    Bless you.  My heart goes out to you.   X

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    Well maybe the nurses at McMillan could give advice ? 
    I feel for you and sympathise. Your husband may have become too self absorbed and unable to see the damage his illness is causing. Do you feel you still love him or have your feelings now changed because of this situation ? Only you will know the answer. 
    You may feel that you have reached breaking point. In such a case you might have to abandon the relationship to save your own sanity - if you genuinely feel your husband will never compromise and modify some of his selfish behaviour. Hope things improve for you guys ! 

    peter k

  • Your post isn't selfish at all Cherry. As many of our members will tell you, cancer doesn't just affect the person diagnosed, it affects their loved ones as well, so it's really good you're reaching out for support.

    It may help to chat with someone who isn’t a close friend or family member so if you'd like to do this then our cancer nurses team are available on 0808 800 4040, Monday - Friday between 9a.m - 5p.m. 

    You could also look for a support group in your local area or ask your GP to refer you for counselling. This isn't for everyone but some of our members who have explored this route have found it quite helpful so this could be something for you to look in to.

    I hope this proves to be a good starting point and you're able to get the support you're seeking at this time.

    Kind regards,

    Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

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