Struggling a bit

Hi everyone this is my first tme posting or really speaking about my mums diagnosis.8 weeks today we were told my Mum has terminal lung cancer she is 80 years old. The hospital were investigating the reason she had een having really bad diahrea and her weight loss. Before this could be investigated a scan showed advanced lung cancer and breast cancer too although the breast cancer is insignificant. The consultant said going by her scans etc she had about 6-8 weeks. Mum is at home and says she is pain free although she is really thin she says she feels good apart from the fact she has cancer. I am struggling because i feel there is so much we dont know about her illness as a family we are at odds all the time (not infront of our parents)but between my two sisters and our brother.no one can seem to see each others worries ot concerns as valid. Its tearing me apart. My question to you all is as the hospital has said there is no treatment for Mum and she seems ok although I dont see how this can be Is the 8 weeks given likely to be a true expectation they said dont focus on the 3 month mark ut I dont think they think she will see christmas. As I said at the start I am struggling a bit sorry if this seems jumbled. Thanks for your time. 

  • Hiya, 

    I am really sorry to hear about your mum and the problems with your siblings. I have experienced the same as you with my uncle and our family were at war really or thats how it felt. My uncle was told that he wouldnt make it to christmas, we were even going to do an early christmas dinner just for him but it wasnt to be, he died on the 1st December and we were going to do the dinner the following weekend. It can be hard not to focus on the time they may have given and truth be told however much you distract yourself from it, it will always be in the back of your mind. My advice to you is to focus on your ma, spend as much time with her as you can, as her son you will bring her such happiness which im sure you already know. Cancer is such a horrible journey that effects everyone, maybe your mum simply wants her time left to be the best it can be. Its really good that she is in no pain. If you feel you want to and if your mum does of course, maybe talk to her about it, how she feels, we spoke to my grandma toward the end of her battle with cancer and it really helped it was one of the saddest moments but gave us comfort at the same time as she wasnt scared, she was ready. 

    When it comes to your siblings, I would try and get them to listen, tell them how you feel, all together in one room and try and sort everything out. It could be that everyone is so hurt that their emotions are just running away with them and thats hard to control. I'm afraid we were unable to fix our family afterwards so I cant give you much advice there, I'm sorry. 

    The inevitably of losing someone we love is one of the most difficult things we have to deal with in this life, but we are here for you if you need anything. 

    I hope you are ok, 

    Bex 

  • Thankyou so much for taking the time to reply to me, you are so right it does feel like we are at war at times. Your kind words mean alot.

  • Families eh? I think you've just got to do what's right and what you feel is right. You're poor Mum. 

    I hope you find the strength you need to do this and Good luck and hugs xxxx

  • That’s alright, it’s my pleasure. I like to try and help/ be there for as many as we can. I really hope you and your brothers and sisters can resolve your differences, this journey is difficult already without arguments and more heartache. If you need any more advice please don’t hesitate to post or message. I’m glad they do, I hope they bring a little comfort too that you are not alone. 

  • i so sorry to hear this i have just lost my mam and stepfather in 8 months of each other thro cancer my mam passed in feb and her partner just 2 weeks ago i really finding it hard to come to turms with so i do understand where ur coming from wishing u all the best and tell ur mam i am thinking of her every step of the way