Hello Barbie47 and welcome to the forum. 

I don't think that your post was depressing. I think you've been honest about just how much you've been through these past few months: diagnosis, major surgery, chemotherapy, menopause and the sad loss of your Dad. All of this with the added pressures that Covid19 has brought to people. I think the feelings that you've described are natural and perfectly understandable given everything you've been through. You are allowed to have wobbly days!

I'm really pleased to hear that your husband, children and Mum have been supportive and it's good that you're taking a few days to give yourself some downtime before starting your radiotherapy. I think the "Mum guilt" is something that lots of ladies here will be able to understand but looking after you is more important than laundry. I'm sure that the kids and your husband will have coped. 

We've quite a few ladies here who have been through different treatments for breast cancer. [@Jolamine]‍ and [@Chriss]‍ spring to mind and hopefully some of the others will pop along to say Hello! and offer their words of advice and support. 

Try to be kind to yourself Barbie47. Try to take things each day at a time and not look too far ahead. I know that lots of ladies are currently having the new radiotherapy regime and whlie you may feel scared, try to keep positive and focus on the fact that this is the last phase of your treatment. If you find that you're really struggling with the night sweats then do speak to your GP who will be able to prescribe something to help. 

If you'd like to talk things through with one of our team of nurses then you're very welcome to give them a call. They're available Monday to Friday 9am to 5pm on 0808 800 4040. 

Keep in touch and let us know how you're getting on. 

Best wishes, 
Jenn
Cancer Chat moderator

Hi Barbie,

I am so sorry to hear of your recent diagnosis and, how depressed you feel following surgery and treatment. Don't worry about this, it is all perfectly normal and, will eventually settle down.

Chemo is always a tough ask, but it must have been particularly tough for you, not having your chemo partner there. You may not have been aware of it at the time but you were possibly also grieving for your dad at the time. I am so sorry to hear that he passed away at a time when you were possibly mentally at your lowest. I am sure that your mum will be glad to have you for company instead of being on her own, especially during lockdown.

We all feel guilty for bringing cancer to our family's doorstep, as a cancer diagnosis, impacts upon the entire family. You are doing the right thing in staying in a quieter atmosphere than at home with 3 teenagers. Fortunately, they are old enough to look after themselves and, it won't do them the slightest bit of harm to do the odd household chore or batch of laundry.

Don't let strangers pressure you into doing 'this or that'. Whatever you decide to do should be your decision and, it should be one that you are totally happy with. I have had 2 bouts of breast cancer. The first was 11 years ago when I had a lumpectomy. The second bout occurred almost a year to the day of my first surgery. This time I had a double mastectomy. What really shocked me after my surgery was just how totally exhausted I felt. I could fall asleep anywhere. I was never like this before. The exhaustion also lingered with me for a number of years before it gradually subsided.

It is no wonder that you are feeling low. Look at how much you've had to contend with throughout the past few months. I shall be thinking of you on Tuesday as you start your radiotherapy and hope, that you find this a lot easier than the chemo. The side-effects of treatment can be difficult to cope with too. I took Tamoxifen for 1 year then Letrozole for 6. One of the first symptoms for both treatments was drowning night sweats.

There are treatments which can help these. It's a great pity that you don't have a good relationship with your breast care nurse, as this is the sort of problem that she should be able to help you with. My nurse suggested that I took Clonidene at first. This did nothing for me. She then suggested that some people got great relief from a mild anti-depressant and, she  prescribed Venlafaxine.I was reluctant to take these at first and, although they haven't got rid of the sweats completely, they have made a huge difference. You could maybe have a chat with your GP about this.

I am sorry to hear that your hubby is in poor health too, but I'm glad that he is understanding and supportive of you. I am fortunate that my hubby is my rock too, despite having heart failure. Let me assure you that you are not at all unusual in having dark days at times. We all have them. The most helpful thing to do is just to take life one day at a time. If that feels too much, then take it hour by hour. Try to develop a positive outlook to life and to your treatment. This helps immensely.

Many people here find it too much to look at the bigger picture and say, that they find that they really lose that first year after diagnosis to getting rid of the cancer. You will soon get rid of that 'bald, hairless stranger', which is just as well, when you don't like her. After that it is so much easier to cope. Do you know what type or grade of breast cancer you have?

I am self-employed and did try going back to work with a reduced workload, but I was too exhausted to continue and eventually had to stop.

We usually advise people to keep themselves occupied, whether with housework, handcrafts or doing more pleasureable pursuits, but this will be difficult if you are feeling so tired. Listen to your body. You may find that you need a nap at a particular time each day. If you do, then take a nap. If you are having difficulty sleeping, and most of us do, try relaxing for half an hour before going to bed. Turn off the television and computer and either listen to relaxing music or read. Try your best not to consult 'Dr Google'. Much of the information there is either poorly researched, out of date or aimed at the spectacular. You don't need this and it will only increase your anxiety. If you must look things up, try to stick to reputable sites, like this one.

Please keep us in the loop and let us know how you get on. We are always here for you.

Kind regards,
Jolamine xx

Hi there ..

Just a little add to what jolomine has all ready said ...  she was the one who got me through my early days ... 

But this is just me... STOP feeling guilty .. guilty will add to  all those things that's all ready getting you down .. guilt will eat you away .. acknowledge you did the best you can in a horrible situation ... we do take on being a parent and a daughter, and you want to help both .. 

Trust me your grown kids will learn far more by having to do washing , cooking , cleaning .. which I'm sure they will have rows about .. but if nothing else they will learn far more, then you waiting on them .. yes they may get stuff wrong and muck up ... but thats how we learn ...

now is the the time for you to look after you .. after all these years ... tell your self it's o.k to feel angry.. it's o.k to cuss ... it's o.k to loose it sometimes .. it's also o.k to laugh ... a sense of humour will help you through .. and now you have your own spiecial angel looking down on you .. your daddy ... 

One day at a time .. one problem at a time .. no "what ifs" no looking ahead .. and you will get there .. one step at a time .. think of this chemo, as it's an army fighting the cancer .. we all try to kick cancers butt .. 

Sending you a vertual hug... Chrissie xx