Hello victoriajayne,

I'm sorry to hear about your dad.

I can appreciate that you can't get your head around his decisions at the same time that a part of you is okay with them. 

I think it is a good idea getting him to talk to his nurse, as you mentioned, but it is also important that you talk to someone too.

Have you thought about contacting the Samaritans? They are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week if you need someone to talk over the phone during the weekend. 

I hope this helps, victoriajayne. 

And I know this may not be the time you want to celebrate but I want to wish you all the best on your birthday.

Best wishes to you and your family,

Renata, Cancer Chat Moderator

Hi victoriajayne, 

I'm so sorry to hear about your dad, and I just wanted to say you aren't alone! There are many people I have talked to on this site who have been very supportive. I just want to say that I'm sure your dad wants to be around for as long as he physically can, and it's amazing that you respect his wishes for wanting quality over quantity. I know some people who decided to get as many treatments done as possible and their quality of life wasn't the greatest, but that was something that they wanted. And it can be the other way around as well. I don't think there is ever really a right or wrong way to do things. 

My dad is 64 and I'm 26, he was diagnosed with stage 4 prostate cancer last year, so I think we can probably relate to some feelings and concerns. If you ever need to chat, please feel free. Sending thoughts your way. 

Hi, I'm sorry to hear your dad is unwell. I lost my dad to cancer 1.5 years ago. He was diagnosed on a Wednesday and passed on the Saturday. He hid his illness from us all... My guess would be for around 18 months. In that time he was unwell he managed so much, even building a garage. He had no emotional stress from me and mum as we didn't know. Had he come forward and said he was unwell he could of had treatment and had a horrible final year on this planet! on the flip side if the coin, maybe he could of been cured. I guess we will never know, but he made his own choices and that I have to accept as much as it hurts. My dad had told me most of his life that if he got cancer he wouldn't want any treatment and he also thought he'd die before he was 70. He also told me that about a month before he passed away. 

Will your dad not talk to you or your mum about his thoughts or feelings? I think it's really hard for men.

take care

I'm so sorry to read about your Dad's reaction to chemo.

His situation is very complicated and, as someone who has been in a similar position, I can understand how he might feel like this after his adverse reaction to the chemo.

He somehow needs to talk to his care team about what can be done to alleviate the side effects. They can change the type of chemo he is on, vary the dosage and sort out anti-nausea medication. It is pretty normal to feel depressed after a Stage 4 diagnosis, with or without chemo.

It is unlikely he would be on chemo for two years - my own chemo for the same cancer lasted four months other people have been on it a little longer. 

I hope things go well for him.

Best wishes

Dave

Hi - I only have my own experience to quote but once I'd finished EOX (I had 4 cycles) I had a CT scan which showed the cancer had shrunk. At that point I went onto a watch and wait routine with 6 monthly CT scans. That's been the situation since early 2014 :-)

UPDATE: The scan has shown no change in size of the tumour, which apparantly is a good thing. Doctor very happy with that as it's a very aggressive cancer so he expected it to have grown, so the fact that it hasn't  changed is good because it means the chemo is holding it off for now. Dad's going to try chemo again next week but at a reduced rate of 75% to see if he can cope with it like that. I'm not sure if i'm happy or not. Mum and Dad seem happy. Doctor is happy. I suppose it's better than it getting bigger, but i'd hoped that with how aggressive the chemo had been, and how much better he had got in terms of swallowing, i thought that it would have got smaller. Wishful thinking obviously. 

That's good news, especially at an early point in the overall chemo therapy. 

Are they reducing the dosage of the chemo, or the rate at which it is being given?

I ask because at one point I had a problem with an adverse physical reaction with one of my chemos. They diluted it by 50% with saline and increased the rate I received it by 100%. So I received the same dose but at half the rate. The effect was the same, I just didn't have the bad reaction. 

Good to hear that your Mum and Dad seem happy now - that's half the battle.

Best wishes

Dave

Hi Dave

I'm not 100% sure of the plan but what I think is happening is they're giving it at the same rate, so IV one week, three weeks of tablets, then IV etc. But the dose will be less. So he's having it the same amount of time, but less of it. I would hope that if he copes with the effects of the lesser dose, they might be able to give him more sessions because they did initially say he could have a lesser dose but twice a month instead of once, but I suppose they want to see whether he can cope with the lesser dose first. He's having it next week so fingers crossed that he can manage this one.