Hi Violet, I'm so sorry to hear about your mum. I went through something similar with my dad about 17 years ago when he was in palliative care for bowel cancer. It is soul destroying and very painful emotionally to watch a parent deteriorate. I, like you, wanted my dad's suffering to end and it was a relief for me when it did. It is not at all selfish to want to see your mum at peace. It must be a great comfort for her to have seen her daughters through to adulthood. I wish you and your sister well at a very difficult time. 

I think your feelings are absolutely natural. I lost my dear mum recently after her battle with metastatic cancer in her spine. She'd had cancer several times. She was re diagnosed in December and the tumour caused her paralysis which left her bed bound until she passed. Towards the end me and my closest relatives wanted her to be at rest and away from the suffering from all the infections and complications. I felt bad thinking it. Of course once she passed I thought oh no I didn't mean it please come back. But mum was a very independent active 76 year old who often said she did not want to be a little old lady in a home with dementia so I know that it was best that she passed. The loss is huge. I have such empathy for you. I hope you are being supported by family and friends. Lean on them and accept their offers of a shoulder to cry on. Take care x

I'm so sorry my moms was a fortune 500 Manger managing 1000+ pepole now I'm wiping poop from her butt and giving her showers. When I carry her she trys so hard to kiss me but she dosent have the strength I hear the noise shes in so much pain for so long she has not eaten in 5 days not drinking only sips. And the hospice wants to stabilize her, wth stabilize she's in pain hungry thirsty but dosent have strength so sad this way we live dogs have ot more humane. When I started this journey with my mom 3 years ago I was whole now I a crumble of a man a lost puppy dog I will wonder the earth. I feel like my soul is gone I have nothing left I hope she goes peaceful please God just let her go peacefully. I'm so sorry what your going thru and I hope we figure out how to live for ourselves after living for everyone else for so long but I doubt it.